Many of us love a good squeeze from a friend now and then, but if you’re lacking physical contact with others, cuddle therapy could be the answer to your touch deprivation woes
How tactile are you as a person? We all sit on a scale here, with some loving any excuse for a friendly hug and others preferring touch to be kept to a minimum. For many of us, some degree of physical contact is needed. Whether it’s a loving hug from a friend, a hand on your shoulder to signify support or a hand on yours to say you’re not alone, these moments mean something.
When we think about physical touch, we often think of intimate, romantic relationships. And while these do provide important moments of physical contact, platonic touch is a human need that sits separately from sexual touch.
Why do we need platonic touch?
The world’s largest survey on the effects of touch, which sought responses from 40,000 participants across 112 countries from January to March 2020, found that 54% of people were touch deprived – and given the research concluded as the pandemic started, this is only likely to have increased. Developed by BBC Radio 4 and the Wellcome Collection, the survey also revealed that 79% of people enjoy receiving touch from a friend, but 43% of people feel that we’re not able to touch enough due to societal norms.
Various research into the power of touch has found that it impacts us positively, from birth right through to adulthood, so it is a valuable tool for our wellbeing. Regular hugs have been found to boost self-esteem, reduce stress, ease depression, and even boost immunity. This is largely down to the cascade of hormones released when we’re touched, such as oxytocin, serotonin, and dopamine. Scientists have even found a series of nerves, called C tactile afferents, which respond to non-painful stimulation like gentle touch, with a 2017 study in PLoS One highlighting the positive effect of initiating this.
As well as feeling the benefits during the moment of touch, the effects stay with us after the person has gone. This means a good hug from a friend on Monday could be having positive effects on you throughout the rest of the week.
What can happen when we don’t get the physical touch we crave?
‘You don’t know what you’ve got ‘til it’s gone’. This well-known adage can apply to many things in life – including physical touch. For many, the various lockdowns during the pandemic revealed a gaping hole where hugs, back pats and hand-holding once were.
Known as touch deprivation or skin hunger, this lack of contact can increase stress and tension in our bodies and may even make us less resilient to infection. During the pandemic, we had to find DIY solutions for our touch deprivation, such as self-massage, weighted blankets and certain yoga practices.
Nowadays, many of us look to get our fill of platonic touch through regular socialising. However, this option isn’t always available to everyone, and many might not be getting what they need. This may be because they have fewer people in their life, or crave more touch than their friends are willing to give. Notably, this has been found to be an issue in male relationships, where gender stereotypes or societal expectations limit physical contact – whether this is from a misinterpretation of touch to be ‘sexual’, or a need to appear ‘strong’ and stoic, resulting in less physical affection.
When this happens, cuddle therapy (also known as platonic touch therapy) can step in to fill the gap.
What is cuddle therapy?
It is, pretty much, what it sounds like. You pay a cuddle therapist for a session which involves platonic touch, such as cuddling, stroking and hair-play.
Sessions typically start with some relaxation exercises and breathing techniques. This can help you relax into the session and move past any nerves or tension you may have about cuddling up with a stranger. Trust is key in these sessions, with you trusting your therapist and them trusting you.
Therapists may use subtle physical or verbal cues to check in with you regularly, to ensure you’re comfortable. At any point during the session, you can ask to stop or change positions, depending on what you need. Usually, it will be the cuddle therapist taking the lead and doing the holding, so you can relax and feel safe within their arms.
Do I need cuddle therapy?
If you are a naturally tactile person and you feel you aren’t getting what you need in this department, cuddle therapy might be right for you. While it is a more niche type of therapy, there are organisations that certify and train cuddle therapists, such as Cuddle Professionals International.
For peace of mind, you may want to go down the route of finding someone specifically trained in this type of therapy. It might not sound like you need qualifications to cuddle, but there are boundaries to consider, safety protocols and holding space in what can be a vulnerable moment.
Give the therapy a go and see how it makes you feel. It could be something you come back to sporadically to fill touch gaps in your life, or it may become a therapy you attend regularly.
Other options to feed your need for touch
If the idea of cuddle therapy doesn’t sound like the right fit for you, you could speak to friends and family and ask how they would feel about increasing physical contact (remember to honour any boundaries they set here). You could also lead by example, so, while respecting what others are comfortable with, you could instigate more platonic touch opportunities by patting friends on the back in acknowledgement of news, or giving a gentle touch on the arm when emphasising a story.
You could also explore regular massage therapy, dance sessions, or even yoga to see how these impact you. Even things like getting your hair or nails done can be an opportunity for platonic, consenting touch. Plus, don’t forget touch doesn’t have to just be with other humans. Pets do a brilliant job of giving you the touch and affection you need, so don’t forget to give your furry friends a cuddle.
The power of touch is something many of us benefit from tapping into, and it’s great to see the various ways we can reach those needs. So, who needs a hug?
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