We all vent from time to time (even when we know we shouldn’t) – but is complaining always a bad thing? Or could we be overlooking the benefits of having a good vent? We explain more about the benefits of complaining and how you can complain more constructively

We all love to have a little moan – whether it’s about the weather, that one colleague who never cleans up after themselves, or the never-ending stack of laundry that always seems to build – having the chance to talk about what’s frustrating us can feel good in the moment. Really, what’s more cathartic than a good chance to vent about how we’re feeling? But can complaining be good for us? Or should we be trying to focus on being more positive with our interactions?

We explain more about the benefits – and the potential pitfalls – of complaining.

Are there benefits to complaining?

While complaining can feel good at the time, if we let ourselves be negative for too long or dwell on the issues too much, we risk making ourselves feel worse, stuck, or powerless. As with all things in life, it’s about finding balance: too much complaining and we risk getting stuck in a negative feedback loop, but bottling our feelings up and refusing to acknowledge those less-than-positive feelings can be harmful for us, too. 

Finding the right balance can help you complain more productively and feel the emotional release of complaining without dwelling or becoming too negative. Complaining can:

  • Offer a sense of release. Allowing ourselves to complain can help us to express frustration, anger, or disappointment in a healthy way. Suppressing our emotions and how we are feeling can be bad for us and our wellbeing. Refusing to acknowledge our feelings can result in lower life satisfaction and, according to research, the more we suppress our emotions, the more likely we are to experience greater depressed mood, fatigue and self-esteem, while those who are more emotionally expressive are more likely to feel more acceptance and more satisfied with their relationships with others. 
  • Help us feel heard and connected. Venting or complaining can give us the chance to air our grievances, connect with others around us, and share our experiences. Knowing we aren’t alone in our frustrations can help us feel more confident about handling them and offer reassurance that we aren’t the only ones who would be frustrated in that situation. 
  • Be a low-stakes way of asking for help. Sometimes, it can be difficult to outright ask for help. You might have difficulty expressing what you are struggling with or feel stuck over something that feels silly or trivial. Venting to someone can often lead to the opportunity to ask – or be offered – helpful solutions or alternative ideas that can help you feel unstuck and move forward. 
  • Lead to new ideas and changes. Sometimes, we might have a complaint about a situation that, no matter how hard we try, we can’t think of a solution. Rather than feeling like you can’t speak up without having a solution in mind, taking the time to complain can lead to finding a sense of comradery from others experiencing the same issue and can introduce you to new perspectives and ideas. They may have already overcome a similar situation or problem or, together, you may already have the start of a solution. 

What are the downsides of complaining?

There can be downsides to complaining too much. While complaining can provide some sense of catharsis and release, dwelling too much on the negative can lead to feeling hopeless or overwhelmed. 

Excessive complaining can also create a negative bias (where we might start paying more attention to negative experiences or information rather than positive, as it’s what we come to expect). Over time, this can lead to an overall negative or cynical view of the world around us. 

When we vent occasionally to friends or loved ones they might be happy to listen and offer help, but too much can feel overwhelming for them, too. Complaining with purpose can help to avoid this (for example, saying if you just need to unload or if you are looking for help with suggestions for solutions). Setting a time limit so you don't dwell too long can also be helpful. While it’s important to acknowledge all of our feelings, it’s also important to ensure that we don’t allow ourselves to become wholly negative – for our own good, and for those around us.

So, how can we find the right balance that can help us to express how we are feeling, without allowing ourselves to develop a negative world view?

How to complain more constructively

Consider who, when and where you are complaining. There is a time and a place for everything – and not everyone is the right person to complain to or may not be in the right headspace to listen. Considering who you are going to open up to, whether that’s a friend, family member, or colleague, is an important first step.

Picking your time carefully can be just as important. While your friend might normally be more than happy to listen to you complain, trying to bring something up at the wrong time or derailing a conversation can be frustrating for you both. Consider whether there is enough time (and privacy) and if this is the best person you could be venting to. 

Consider writing down your complaints. Instead of dwelling in the moment, writing things down can give you the space to better think them through when you have more time, energy, or capacity to focus and approach them with fresh eyes. 

Think about the next steps. Think about your complaint: Why is what you’re complaining about a problem? Why does this bother you? Is it something you find frustrating in the moment, or something that bothers or inconveniences you more consistently? If it’s something smaller like feeling like the laundry is never ending, is this something you could discuss with a partner or family member to discuss sharing the load? Or if you are always forgetting, could you change any specific habits to help you remember? 

If it’s a bigger problem or issue, working through how you could break it into smaller chunks to tackle one at a time could help you feel like you are making progress without being overwhelmed. 

Look out for repetition. Do you find you still have the same complaints even after you have tried one or more solutions? Is the same issue popping up over and over again, or lingering in your mind? It could be a sign that what you think is bothering you isn’t the main issue, and there might be an underlying problem you need to address.

Practice gratitude. While expressing ourselves and our frustrations is important, it’s also important to remember to make time to focus on the good things in our lives. Practising gratitude can create the opportunity to focus on these more positive aspects, helping to balance out complaints and negative experiences by giving ourselves time to dwell on and reflect on the moments, things, and people that have brought us joy.

Consider trying to find ways to create opportunities for joy, or find out more about how practising gratitude can help improve your mental health. 

Doing what’s right for you

There shouldn’t be any shame in complaining. While nobody likes to be around negativity all the time, having a bit of a complaint can feel both cathartic and empowering. Sometimes we can find solutions, work through our problems, and move forward. But sometimes all we really need is a moment to let ourselves acknowledge a situation, well, sucks, and we might not be able to fix it right then but it’s still ok to acknowledge how we are feeling – even if that feeling isn’t as positive as we feel it should be.