Letting emotions wash over you is one thing, but feeling nothing at all? That’s something that shouldn’t be left unchecked
You know that feeling when you’re doing something that should make you feel a certain way – like basking in a beautiful sunset – but instead, you feel nothing? Maybe you’ve gone through a monumental break-up, and others have commented on how eerily calm you are. Welcome to emotional numbing: your brain’s most sophisticated survival trick.
What is emotional numbing?
Think of it as your mind’s equivalent of ‘airplane mode’, designed to preserve battery life when the system is at capacity. “When someone experiences overwhelming emotional pain – whether from grief, abuse, burnout, or chronic invalidation – the brain activates survival circuits,” explains Tina Chummun, accredited psychotherapist and trauma specialist.
This protective shutdown affects the brain’s chemical balance, and often leads to disrupted functioning of key neurotransmitters that regulate mood, motivation, and emotional responsiveness. The experience manifests as a sense of being emotionally disconnected or ‘switched off’.
For someone who is emotionally numbing, you might notice you’re less responsive to situations that would normally evoke strong emotions, experience a general flattening of emotional range, and struggle to connect with, or express, your feelings. It might look like emotional indifference or lack of empathy, even though the underlying capacity for emotion remains intact – it’s simply been temporarily suppressed as a means of survival.
What actually causes emotional numbing?
The state of emotional numbing (also known as ‘blunting’) can be caused by a number of factors, such as physical or emotional abuse, grief, medication, mental illness, or trauma.
It’s often reported by those who take antidepressants, with 2023 research from the University of Cambridge, in collaboration with the University of Copenhagen, reporting between that 40–60% of patients taking selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors (SSRIs) are believed to experience this side-effect.
Numbing can also be a maladaptive coping mechanism formed as a result of childhood emotional invalidation. “When someone grows up in an environment where their feelings are constantly dismissed, criticised, or punished, they learn to suppress their emotional expression to avoid painful experiences arising from conflict or rejection,” explains Tina. “Over time, this suppression can become automatic, resulting in chronic emotional numbing as a way to navigate relationships, and maintain a sense of emotional safety.”
Spotting the signs
Because emotional numbing is a dampening of your emotional experience, it may be hard to pinpoint, but there will be telltale signs. “Enjoyable activities become meaningless,” says Tina, “and there may be increased reliance on distractions (e.g. social media, overworking, binge-watching), and decision-making becomes effortful due to low motivation, and poor interoceptive awareness.”
The impact of emotional numbing is also felt within relationships. In the workplace, for example, you might find it hard to relate to your colleagues, have little empathy for others’ points of view, notice a change in the way you respond to feedback, or lack the ability to think creatively. “At work, emotionally numbed individuals may appear robotic, disconnected, or disengaged,” says Tina.
“Romantic partners may interpret emotional numbing as disinterest, coldness, or detachment, leading to breakdowns in communication and trust. Friends and family may feel emotionally abandoned, struggling to connect with someone who seems walled off from their inner world.”
Notably, emotional numbing doesn’t always look like a blank stare or acting emotionless. According to Tina, it can present in more covert ways, such as playing down one’s own feelings (‘It’s not a big deal, others have it worse than me’), chronic indecisiveness, excessive use of humour or sarcasm to deflect, or avoidance of vulnerability in safe relationships. There may also be a dulling of sensory experience: your favourite album no longer moves you; the homemade food you used to love now somehow tastes bland. You may also notice yourself using detached language about personal events, for example: ‘The miscarriage happened,’ rather than saying ‘I lost my baby.’
Addressing emotional numbing can be tough, because there is value in being able to move away from difficult emotions, but there is a key difference between managing your emotions, and avoiding them. “Healthy emotional regulation involves awareness, acceptance, and modulation/emotional regulation of emotional states – not suppression,” says Tina.
“Emotionally regulated individuals can tolerate discomfort, express vulnerability, and make values-based decisions even during distress – and, ultimately, know that despite their upset, they will eventually be OK. Problematic numbing, by contrast, feels like emotional absence. It’s not ‘calm under pressure’ – it is disconnection from the body and internal states entirely. A key distinction lies in choice: regulation is intentional; numbing is often automatic, defensive, and out of awareness.”
Finding a way through
Know that if you become aware that you are consistently disengaged from, or actively avoiding, your emotions, a therapist can help you get to the root cause, and strategise more compassionate ways to cope. Reconnecting with emotions after numbing requires safety, non-judgement, and gradual exposure to emotional content. Tina suggests several therapeutic frameworks that can address emotional numbing: “Person-centred therapy builds safety through unconditional positive regard, empathy, and congruence, reversing emotional invalidation. Sensorimotor psychotherapy integrates somatic awareness with emotional processing, reconnecting clients with interoceptive signals.”
She also recommends internal family systems – a framework that can help you separate from protective parts (like the numbing part), and develop compassion for your inner world. Tina also notes that eye movement desensitisation and reprocessing (EMDR) is also particularly effective in cases of trauma-induced emotional numbing.
Finding techniques to use at home can help too, for example, by developing a consistent mindfulness practice. A 2018 review paper, published in the Journal of Psychiatry and Neuroscience, notes that patterns of emotional numbing, suppression of intrusive thoughts, and avoidance behaviours among individuals with PTSD is the “antithesis of mindful behaviour”, suggesting that non-judgemental acceptance of thoughts, experiences, and emotions (as taught through mindfulness) may reduce these symptoms.
Similarly, learning to become a ‘compassionate witness’ to your emotional experiences can create a sense of personal safety around your emotions. It can be helpful to journal about your emotions, and then try to offer comforting words as though you were writing to a friend. Often, if we’ve become accustomed to numbing, it can take considerable effort to establish that connection again. If you feel ready, try the Happiful ‘Breathwork for Reconnection’ video on our YouTube channel.
Emotional numbing, while protective, shouldn’t become a permanent way of being. Whether through therapy, mindfulness practices, or self-compassion, reconnecting with your emotions is possible. Your feelings matter, and with patience and support, you can gradually rebuild that vital connection to your emotional inner world.
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