Recognising the value of ‘in-between’ periods in life, and how to change our perspective on them
If you do life right, most of the time, it should be boring. Of course, life comes with high highs and low lows, but the middle part should be stable, constant, and certain – which can come across as a little dull at times. In particular, the period following a high can often be interpreted as a ‘lull’ in contrast, when the truth is that quiet doesn’t equal lull. I like to think of these gaps in time as the most precious moments, where I can maximise life if I take advantage of them fully.
I find it helpful to imagine these time periods like when you’re sitting on the bench in team sports. You haven’t been put on the bench because you are bad at it, you are there so that you can get a break, catch your breath, and pick up a little energy. It’s so that when it’s your time to get back out there, you are ready to go at life with full force.
If you spend the entire time sitting on the bench, whinging and whining, with the attitude “Why does everyone else get to play and I don’t?” you’ll be wasting your time on the bench. If you are so desperate and impatient to get out there, running on the spot, jumping up and down, and yelling at the rest of the team, not only are you consuming energy, but you’re also consuming it without results. It won’t expedite the process, and get you on the field quicker. Most likely, you will end up regretting that you spent the time feeling frustrated and ungrateful for the break. So, instead, focus on using that time to hydrate, stretch out any sore muscles, and have a team or tactical chat. Regroup with your coach, and then, when it’s game time, you’ll know you spent your break wisely.
It’s very easy when you are being benched to think of it as a punishment – worrying and spiraling into believing you’re never going to be able to play again. I know this fear as a freelancer. If I ever have a quiet month, I worry that all the work has dried up, and I will never work again. In a decade of working for myself, that has (thankfully) never been true. All it does is make me stressed out, suffering throughout the entire duration of the quiet patch.
With my, now many, years of experience, I have come to recognise my career has a pattern of either being boring or too busy, with rarely any middle ground. Therefore, when I hit a ‘boring’ patch, I ensure I take the time to appreciate it. I try my best to maximise the amount of rest I can get in that period, because I know it’s not going to last long. When my career has a lull, I put my time and energy into my social life and relationships, so that I know I am feeding those areas of life, too – especially as they’re harder to give time to when work is busy. If we can stop focusing on the area of life where we feel like we are lacking in the current moment, we are able to recognise that we can use our energy to fuel other areas instead. The reality is that it’s very rare in life to have every area working perfectly simultaneously, and so we are allowed to focus on one space at a time. When one area is thriving and doesn’t need your focus, turn your attention somewhere else.
Ultimately, this obsession with life’s lulls often stems from capitalism, and the messaging that we need to be forever productive. That if we aren’t always in ‘GO!’ mode, we aren’t good enough, or trying hard enough. But rest, relaxation, and breaks are essential, and so we must try to detach our self-worth from our productiveness in order to reduce the guilt we feel during every moment of calm.
With the promotion of hustle culture, we have this idea that even when it’s quiet we must always be striving for more, and aspiring to greater and higher goals – but that leads to destination addiction. That’s where we are never stopping for a moment to look back, and recognise or appreciate all that we have achieved. When we are always on to the next thing, it’s important we stop and reevaluate – why am I constantly striving and searching for more? Why is it inherent within people? Try to take a moment to be grateful for what’s been achieved, and, most importantly, celebrate the wins!
We want to take a moment to be proud of ourselves, and, as a result, reward ourselves with a time to collapse, rest up, and even spend a day in bed. We all need a duvet day once in a while, and you don’t have to earn your right to it by burning yourself out first. It’s OK to pause, stop, and appreciate the view for a moment, so it’s time we relabeled the ‘lull’. It’s simply a pitstop, and we all need that time to refuel and take stock!
Photography | Brett D Cove
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