Life coach Kate Kilby explores what fuels our fear of the unknown, and offers advice for taking that first step

When I speak to a potential client for the first time, I ask them to list everything getting in their way of moving towards where they want to be. “Fear of the unknown” is so often one of the first obstacles they cite. But why do we find the unknown so uncomfortable?

There’s a neuroscientific explanation. Our brains, to avoid danger while conserving energy, have evolved as predictive machines, streamlining and shortcutting the otherwise overwhelming stimuli we’re fed each day. So, when we can’t predict safety or reward with any certainty, our brains don’t love that. In fact, research published in Nature Communications found that uncertainty was associated with heightened physiological and self-reported stress responses, while another study, published in the Journal of Neuroscience, found that uncertainty could increase perceived pain when observed in an experimental setting.

Yet where would we be, as a species and individually, if we didn’t venture into the unknown? Exploration and new experiences expand and improve our world, and us. Furthermore, we can’t always choose whether to enter the unknown; sometimes it’s thrust upon us. So, the real quest isn’t in avoiding it, but in learning how to better enter and navigate our way through it.

Find your carrot

Don’t beat yourself with the stick of what-if worst-case scenarios. Instead, focus on the unknown’s ‘carrot’! Get clear on why you’re choosing to enter the unknown, and what you hope to gain. What will make leaving the familiar worthwhile? Being clear on your motivation not only reminds you that you’re making an intentional choice, which helps you feel more in control, but it’ll also connect you to a sense of purpose that will become your north star – helping guide your direction even if all around you feels unrecognisable, and fuelling you to forge ahead.

Lean into curiosity

Curiosity doesn’t kill cats, but it does dampen fear of the unknown. When curiosity is piqued, you essentially ‘opt in’ to wanting to find out what happens next. It’s why murder mysteries, magic tricks, riddles, will-they-won’t-they romance storylines, or travel to new places feel entertaining and thrilling, rather than threatening. They offer conditions for discovery, delight, surprise, wonder, even awe. Leverage this alternative perspective and approach the unknown with openness and curiosity. Swap “I don’t know what will happen” for “I wonder what will happen?” and notice what shifts.

Be your own safety net

The tightrope between an anxiety-inducing unknown and a manageable one (or even a positive, expansive one) is how safe you feel while you’re crossing it, waiting for the resolution to reveal itself. But when you can’t see an external safety net under that tightrope, you can actually build your own through the trust you place in yourself.

This involves acknowledging your skills and strengths at your disposal, your resilience and capacity to adapt to the challenge at hand, and your agency in flexing and applying those skills in a new context. Build your self-trust by consciously reviewing your personal evidence bank. What hard times or periods of uncertainty have you endured in your life? Think of every challenge, heartbreak, curveball, or setback you’ve faced. You came through them all. Make a tangible list of your strengths, beliefs, and experiences, that got you through those periods. Then reflect on what you now know or have, as a result, that you didn’t before you faced those unknowns. This is the basis of your self-trust safety net.

Once you’ve looked back, you can further reinforce that safety net by looking ahead. Just like an explorer preparing for a journey, you’ll feel more confident embarking into unknown territory if you feel practically and mentally prepared. I’m not for a moment suggesting that you account for every conceivable (or inconceivable!) scenario, but a healthy degree of pragmatic foresight will help you feel reassured that you have the resources to flex if and when you need to; whether that’s considering financial buffers or simply visualising how you’d stay calm if the unexpected happened. Take an honest look at what you can control, or prepare for, and take steps towards doing just that. And for what you can’t, lean into your self-trust safety net.

Pack your toolkit

If you’re facing an unknown, or questioning whether to enter one, your survival kit should include: a clear sense of purpose, a mindset of curiosity, flexibility, and openness, and a grounded trust in yourself. These are all tools I carry closely these days. In many ways, every time I coach, it’s a venture into the unknown. I don’t know what my client will bring to our session that day, how the conversation will unfold, what insights will emerge… or even what question I’ll ask next! But that’s the point. Coaching gives you a safe, supportive space to sit with the not-knowing, unearth your north star, and build trust in yourself while you find your way through. If you’re facing an unknown of your own, then that kind of space might be worth seeking out.