Abandonment issues can be more common than you think. We share 10 common signs of abandonment issues you might not be aware of – and explain more about what you can do about them

Have you ever found yourself worrying that friends, family members, or your partner might leave you behind? Maybe you find yourself feeling anxious or stressed at the thought of your partner leaving, or it feels like you don’t deserve to be loved. These can all be signs of abandonment issues.

What are abandonment issues?

Essentially, a deep-seated, persistent fear, abandonment issues often centre around the fear of being rejected or left by those we care about. Developing during childhood or later in life, this type of anxiety can have a lasting effect on friendships and romantic relationships. 

Abandonment issues often come from experiences we have during childhood, such as the death of a loved one, neglect, or experiencing trauma like parental separation or divorce, but they can also be caused by a number of different experiences, attachment styles, and other mental health conditions. As explained by Counselling Directory, there isn’t always a single clear reason or event that causes someone to develop abandonment issues. While it can be one big event, for others, it can be a combination of lots of little factors or events. 

For some people, this deep-seated anxiety can lead to them rejecting others first, out of their fear of being left, as a method of trying to protect themselves. 

But what are the signs that you might have abandonment issues? And what can you do to help manage these feelings of anxiety?

10 signs you might have abandonment issues 

  1. You find it hard to trust others. Building trust is tricky for you. You find yourself thinking about how others will eventually leave, which can make making a connection that much tougher. 
  2. You’re afraid of rejection. You constantly worry that others will leave you, even if there is no evidence to support these fears. This might even lead to you rejecting others first to avoid the ongoing anxiety and anticipation of them leaving or rejecting you.
  3. You constantly seek reassurance. You find yourself repeatedly asking others how you are doing, looking for their approval and seeking reassurance that you are loved and valued. 
  4. You feel jealous or possessive. When you see someone else spending time with someone you care for, you might feel jealous, act in a possessive way, or be afraid that you are going to be replaced or forgotten.
  5. You find it hard to say what you want or need. Rather than telling your partner when you need something like more time together, some quiet time alone, or some help with a household chore, you find yourself keeping those needs bottled up out of fear that if you ask for too much or sound too needy, you might drive them away. 
  6. You overthink every interaction. Overanalysing conversations or situations, you find your thoughts return again and again to something that has happened, or you try to find any signs of rejection or abandonment that you might have missed. 
  7. You (or others) see yourself as emotionally sensitive. Maybe small conflicts or disagreements lead to big, intense emotional reactions. You find yourself taking comments as personal criticisms or feel like you are being attacked, and worry that these can be signs someone might leave.
  8. You worry you aren’t worthy of love. Abandonment issues can contribute towards low self-esteem, which in turn can leave you feeling unworthy or unlovable. 
  9. You find it hard to be alone. You might cling to relationships that have already ended, struggle to let friendships come to a natural conclusion, or find yourself staying in a relationship that you know isn’t good for you out of fear of being alone. 
  10. You are always trying to please. You frequently engage in people-pleasing behaviours in hopes of keeping others happy and avoiding potential abandonment. 

How do you overcome abandonment issues?

There are different ways you can try and manage your fear of abandonment. Working with a professional therapist can help you to start opening up about how you are feeling, to explore past experiences, and start uncovering why you might be feeling this way. A trained therapist or counsellor can also help you with surrounding issues that may have developed, such as low self-esteem, and rebuilding your confidence. Learning how to set (and keep) healthy boundaries, along with improving your communication with those that you care about, are also key areas therapy can help with.

Along with working with a professional, there are things you can try yourself to help improve your relationships and your overall sense of wellbeing. Taking a closer look at your self-care routine can be a helpful first step. Ensuring you are getting enough sleep, regular exercise, and staying hydrated can all help you to feel more rested, energised, and ready to face worries when they surface. 

Exploring activities that can help you build your confidence and support network outside of your immediate family or relationship can also be a big help. Having more people you can spend time with, connect with, and start to open up to can help you to cultivate your sense of belonging and community while avoiding relying too heavily on a single person for support. 

Abandonment issues don’t crop up overnight; they take time – often years – to develop. Change, too, can take time to really start having an impact on how you are feeling, but it’s worth the time and effort to try and reduce your anxiety and start making positive changes that can help you move forward towards healthier, happier, more sustainable relationships.