Coping with grief: Is there a best way?

Grieving is never an easy process. Learning how to cope can feel impossible. We share more about the different ways you can handle grief

We all experience grief at some point; it’s inevitable. But that doesn’t make it any easier. Loss is painful, and the idea that the world keeps moving on around us – that we somehow have to figure out a way forward when it feels like a part of our lives has come to an end – can seem impossible. Yet, finding the right support can help us to understand the impact our loss has had on us, enabling us to set small, manageable goals and begin moving forward. But how do we know what the right kind of support is?

What is grief?

We grieve when we experience a significant loss. Grieving is a natural part of how we cope with our loss and our emotional reaction to that loss. There are many different kinds of grief we can experience during our lifetimes. These can include but aren’t limited to:

• The death of a loved one - the loss of a family member, partner, friend, or even pet can have a significant, lasting impact.
• Divorce, a relationship break-up, or estrangement - you may grieve for the relationship you once had or the version of your partner (or yourself) you feel like you have lost.
• Redundancy - losing your job unexpectedly can have a domino effect on your life, which can lead to a sense of grief and/or anger around how your career has been impacted, working relationships lost, or how it has impacted other areas of your life such as your finances.
• Big life events or transitions - such as children moving away from home, menopause, retirement, or other significant life events which may leave you feeling different, adrift, or changed. 

There is no set length of time during which you might grieve. We all handle grief differently and can experience a wide range of emotions from sadness to anger. Some people like to describe it as there being seven stages of grief. These are often described as including shock and disbelief, denial, guilt, anger and bargaining, depression, reconstruction or testing, and acceptance. While some people go through all the stages, it’s not as straightforward as working through them one at a time in a logical order. Some people experience multiple stages at once, jump between stages, or only experience some; no matter how you are feeling, there is no ‘wrong’ way to grieve. There is only finding a way to process your grief.

How does grief affect us mentally and physically?

Grieving isn’t just an emotionally draining process – it can significantly impact us physically as well as mentally. When we experience grief, you can feel like you are numb or dazed at first, or may even feel disconnected from those around you. You may find yourself feeling tired and exhausted, physically and mentally. 

Grief can lead to feelings of increased stress as you try to cope with your loss or changes happening around you, as well as feelings of anxiety or depression. If you’re worried that you are struggling to cope with how you are feeling, have had a low mood for more than two weeks, or find yourself struggling to find something that helps, speaking with your GP can be a good place to start. Your GP may be able to help refer you to local support groups or to recommend talking therapies or other options to help support any related anxiety or depression. Your GP may also be able to help with prolonged grief disorder if you have experienced symptoms of grief over a prolonged period of time. 

How do you handle grief?

We each experience grief in different ways, but how we handle that grief can share some common methods. No matter what kind of grief you are experiencing, it’s important to:

• Acknowledge how you are feeling. Your feelings surrounding your grief aren’t wrong, and aren’t something to be ignored. It’s natural to experience a wide range of emotions around your loss; this can mean sadness or numbness, but cal also include anger, confusion, and even guilt. Giving yourself the space to acknowledge these feelings, to feel them, and to process your loss is an important part of the grieving process – and can’t be rushed. How you are feeling may go up and down.
• Be kind to yourself. Look after yourself, prioritise your physical and mental health by maintaining self-care routines, and take things one day at a time.
• Find support. Sharing how you are feeling and talking with others who have had similar losses can be a big help. If you’re struggling to cope, feel more comfortable one-on-one than in a support group setting, or are worried about how sharing your own feelings may affect friends and family, working with a professional can be a helpful step. Grief therapists and counsellors, as well as grief coaches can all provide help, support and guidance. 

Therapy or coaching: Which is right for me?

If you are looking for support to help you cope with grief, there are many different options available. Talking with someone can be a huge help to avoid bottling up how you are feeling, acknowledging your loss, and finding ways to cope with how you are feeling. But what’s the difference between working with a grief and bereavement counsellor and a grief coach?

Typically, counselling may be more focused on reflection. This could be reflecting on past events and the emotions that come from your loss. Coaching may be more likely to support you in managing your emotions without looking back at the past in as much detail. Both aim to help you learn to come with how you are feeling, and to move forward.

What do grief counsellors do?

As with all types of therapy, your therapist will tailor sessions to best suit you and your needs. A bereavement therapist is there to listen. Bereavement counselling can help you to move through the stages of grief and aims to get you to the point where you feel like you can function normally. You are likely to still miss the person you have lost or to mourn for what you have list, but with time and support, they can help you to find purpose.

A therapist can help you to gain a better understanding of the mourning process, identify and explore areas that may be holding you back from moving on, help talk through and resolve areas of conflict that still remain, and help to adjust to your new sense of self. 

Find out more about bereavement and grief counselling, how to deal with grief, and finding help on Counselling Directory. 

What do grief coaches do?

Grief coaches help support you in moving forward towards the future you want. A grief coach can help you to identify where you want your life to be or go, help with goal setting, listening, validating how you feel, and help you to move forward. If you are feeling lost, uncertain where to go next or what to try, working with a grief coach can be a helpful step to consider.

Grief coaching can also offer a helpful way of rediscovering yourself. You may find as you move through the grieving process that it feels like a part of you has been affected that you hadn’t expected. You may feel less confident, less motivated, or even unsure of who you are anymore. Working with a coach can help you to rediscover who you are and relearn how to live your life to the fullest. 

As one coach explains about dealing with their own loss, working with a coach or a therapist can be particularly impactful at different points in your journey.

“In the early days after my loss, I sought therapy. It was really helpful for enabling me to survive the trauma of loss and cope with my grief. When I was ready to move forward, I turned to coaching. As a result of coaching, I found ways to move from surviving to thriving and use my experience for personal growth. So it wasn’t a case of therapy or coaching, it was simply about finding the best fit for the part of the journey I was on.”

Find out more about grief coaching and what to expect from a grief coach on Life Coach Directory. 

Though grief can feel all-encompassing, it does not have to define your future. With patience and support, the pain of loss can make way for a renewed sense of purpose and connection. While grief may never fully leave us, it can transform, allowing us to hold onto love and memories without being defined by pain.

Healing doesn’t mean forgetting — it means learning to live again, with the understanding that hope and joy can still find their way back into our lives. We owe it to ourselves to find ways to cope with our grief, to remember what and who we have lost, and to find a way to keep moving forward.