Replace overwhelming outings with more mindful mealtimes
Plates clatter, steam bellows from the open kitchen door, and waiters with precariously stacked trays move swiftly from table to table. It’s a pretty normal scene – a busy restaurant filled with people enjoying themselves. Except you’re not enjoying yourself whatsoever. You’re staring at the paper menu in your hands, gripped with fear, ears ringing, brow sweating, and now a waiter approaches to ask you if you’re ready to order. The panic is almost too much to bear – does this sound familiar?
What is menu anxiety?
A survey of 2,000 UK respondents, carried out by Prezzo Italian restaurant, found that 67% of people had been impacted by menu anxiety, with particular prevalence among gen Z (86%). According to the data, menu anxiety is largely caused by the cost of the meal, not being able to find something you like on the menu, and regretting what you ordered. More than a third of millennials said having too many options was also a trigger.
“The most common trigger is fear of judgement,” says psychotherapist Sophia Spencer. “It may be fear of judgement from the waiter, or from the people you are with. For example, if ordering alone, I may get anxiety about pronouncing things wrong in front of the waiter, and coming across as stupid. With others, I may get anxiety about picking something no one else likes, and they think I am weird.”
Focus on others and embrace imperfection
When you feel anxiety, it’s often helpful to switch your attention from what’s going on internally to what’s happening externally – such as sounds, sights, smells, or any other stimuli you can latch on to. This is called ‘external focus’. “Focus on how the waiter speaks, the colours, their face, the menu, the smells of the food. Bring your attention outward rather than inward,” says Sophia.
When you focus on other people, this also provides evidence that things will be OK. “Observe others when they order,” suggests Sophia. “Do they always get it perfect? Does the waiter hear them correctly? Do they change their mind? Did anything happen as a result? Try to watch this in other people, and hold it in mind when you’re ordering – how non-perfect other people are when ordering, and give yourself permission to be the same.”
Another way to find a sense of stability among the mental chaos is to try grounding techniques. “Pay attention to a point of your body that touches the earth,” says Sophia. “When anxious, we move into our head, and into the imagined future. By paying attention to our sensations of the earth, we can begin to mitigate this and feel more relaxed.”
Try the ‘5-4-3-2-1 senses’ check: notice five things you can see, four you can touch, three you can hear, two you can smell, and one you can taste. Box breathing is another great tool. Simply inhale for four seconds, hold for four, exhale for four, and hold for four. This concentrated effort slows your heart rate and calms the mind. You might also want to try anchoring phrases to reassure yourself. Mentally repeat something like, ‘I have time to choose,’ or ‘There’s no wrong choice,’ to ease overthinking.
Beware of over-preparing
It may sound counter-intuitive, but preparing too intensely for your restaurant visit may be unhelpful – because this can become a behaviour you rely on, making spontaneous activities more distressing. “Over time, this may lead to less confidence overall in your ability to handle the situation without preparation,” says Sophia. She points out that looking at a menu beforehand can give you a sense of relief in the moment, but if you arrive and the menu is different, you will likely feel stressed out.
Be kind to yourself as you navigate menu anxiety, and be honest with friends and when things feel overwhelming. “For example, your friend suddenly suggests to grab lunch, and the next thing you know you’re having to order in a busy restaurant,” says Sophia. “This can feel like running before walking if you already struggle to order in situations that are less demanding. If this happens, keep in mind, you wouldn’t expect yourself to run a marathon before a 5k, and it’s normal to feel that this was too overwhelming. It does not mean you are not making progress.”
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