8 reasons to try couples therapy

What if there was a way to improve your connection and communication within your relationship before a crisis hits? Couples therapy could be the answer...

When you hear ‘couples therapy’, what do you think of? Chances are, you picture a scene from the movies: something reserved for married couples on the brink of divorce. Yet, in reality, it can help couples of all types, with a huge variety of goals and reasons to seek support in strengthening their connection.

While nobody likes to think that their relationship could do with a little outside help, research suggests that couples therapy really does work. A 2023 survey by Verywell Mind revealed that, despite only 37% of those surveyed having been to couples therapy, an overwhelming 99% of couples in therapy found that it had a positive impact on their connection, with 83% saying therapy was a priority in their relationship.

The main misconception that needs addressing is that you don’t need to wait for something to be ‘wrong’ to go to couples therapy; it’s not a sign that your bond is breaking if you seek support or want to proactively nurture it. So, here we’re sharing eight effective reasons why you might want to give couples therapy a try, and reap the relationship rewards.

You want to rediscover how to connect with your partner

Relationships often begin with a strong sense of connection – it’s what draws us to each other. But when initial feelings of excitement and passion begin to settle, and months turn into years, it can feel like our connection may have weakened, perhaps things feel a little ‘stagnant’, or maybe you’re facing new challenges all together. Working with a counsellor can provide the space to reconnect with your partner, strengthen ties, and work towards better communication and intimacy. Rather than just ‘existing’ in your relationship day-to-day, you’re devoting the time and energy into nurturing it, and each other.

You want to reflect on past events (and how they’re affecting your relationship now)

Sometimes, events from our past are just that – memories we can look back on fondly when reminiscing. Other times, we simply try to move on from the moment, without considering how the experience may have truly affected us – or our relationships – and what impact it can have moving forward.

If you’re worried that a past event might be impacting you here and now, having the opportunity to discuss it with someone could give you the much-needed space for contemplation, a chance to discover how to move on, and the ability to avoid feeling stuck in place, reliving (or being haunted by) old memories.

You want to communicate in a more constructive way

Healthy, constructive communication is the cornerstone of all kinds of relationships, including romantic ones. How and when we communicate, and our clarity, can all have a bigger impact than we might realise – and in long-term relationships, this might be something we take for granted, or fall into bad habits with. A really useful benefit of therapy is that it can introduce us to new ways of communicating, with exercises that help us learn how to both talk and listen to each other more effectively – and it’s likely something you’ll find yourselves practising outside the therapy room as well.

You want to figure out why arguments are escalating – and what to do about them

Breakdowns in communication and unresolved issues can result in arguments. Sometimes, when one partner feels unheard, it can feel like the same issues are cropping up again and again, which can lead to growing feelings of frustration, resentment, and eventual ‘blow ups’.

If you aren’t sure why arguments are starting to escalate in your relationship, or if you keep circling back to the same issues without feeling able to move forward, therapy can provide a judgement-free place to discuss these issues, and find alternative ways of expressing your frustrations, without brushing arguments under the carpet.

You want to have a big conversation, but aren’t sure where to start

Financial worries, family conflicts, jealousy, problems in the bedroom – all of these can feel like big, intimidating issues to bring up; knowing how to get started can feel impossible. Worrying about the potential for conflict and misunderstanding can also make the idea of even approaching bigger conversations feel that much more daunting. But having a safe, neutral setting, with an unbiased professional overseeing the conversation, can allow you to facilitate big conversations in a healthy way.

You’re worried that you are growing apart

We all change and grow over time. Our goals shift as we age, as can what we want from life. But that doesn’t mean that we are outgrowing our relationships – just that we might need to consider how we continue to make time for each other, find new ways to foster our sense of connection, or start to see growth in our relationships as well as in ourselves. You might not always feel comfortable bringing this up in day-to-day discussions, but the benefit of couples therapy is that you have a prime opportunity to focus on what kind of future you want to work towards together, ensuring that neither of you feels left behind.

You want to redistribute the workload and make things more equitable

There is a never-ending list of responsibilities that seems to only grow as you build a life together as a couple. While some chores, like who does the laundry, can be easier to see, track, and appreciate, other unseen responsibilities can start to take their toll, and may result in one or both of you feeling like your workload isn’t split fairly.

Emotional labour can often involve a lot of unseen and unacknowledged stress, time, and mental bandwidth that both partners may not be aware of – even if it feels obvious to the one taking on the additional load. Therapy can provide the space to talk through anything – whether it seems big or small – helping to identify the underlying, deeper dynamics, and address how these things make you both feel in order to move forward.

You want to future-proof your relationship

Couples therapy isn’t just about addressing worries or problems you’re already experiencing; it’s about helping to prevent future ones. It can help guide you towards identifying what matters the most in your relationship, figuring out how to avoid or cope with unexpected (or expected) big life events, and navigate through life changes together.

Every couple deserves the chance to thrive, not just survive. Investing in your relationship through therapy can help you reconnect, communicate, and face the future together. No matter where you are in your journey together, it’s never too early – or too late – to start making things even better.