Why do the things we think will fulfil us rarely satisfy us for long?
We explore this concept and what it reveals about lasting wellbeing
Maybe it’s the dream holiday, the new home, the fitness goal, or simply getting through a difficult phase of life. We tell ourselves that once we arrive there, we’ll finally feel different.
And sometimes, for a while, we do. But the feeling rarely lasts as long as we expect it to. The excitement fades and before long, we find ourselves searching for the next thing that will make us feel good again.
This instinct to seek happiness through pleasurable experiences sits at the heart of hedonism – one of the oldest philosophical ideas about how to live well.
Hopping on hedonism
Hedonism, or the ethical theory that pleasure (in the sense of the satisfaction of desires) is the highest good and proper aim of human life, makes sense at first glance. Why wouldn’t you seek pleasure? Surely it’s only natural to crave an existence that offers an alternative to the many pains and discomforts we are faced with as humans?
The problem is that the craving is never fully satisfied. Psychologists call this the ‘hedonic treadmill’ – our tendency to quickly adapt to life’s highs and lows before returning to a relatively stable baseline of happiness. It helps explain why even the lives we once dreamed of can start to feel a tad disappointing, and why chasing more doesn’t always bring the satisfaction we expect.
The happiness reset
In a now-famous 1978 study published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, researchers observed three groups over time: lottery winners, paralysed accident victims, and a control group.
The researchers found that the lottery winners experienced an immediate spike in happiness, which returned to previous levels after one year. The paralysed individuals experienced intense unhappiness in response to their accident, but after a year, their happiness levels stabilised, so that they were only just slightly less happy than the people who won the lottery.
In both cases, the effects of external events on happiness were short-lived. Essentially, it doesn’t matter whether you have a big win, experience a life-altering injury, marry your dream partner, or lose your career – according to hedonic adaptation theory, your happiness will ultimately return to baseline levels. However, subsequent research suggests adaptation is not universal, and experiences such as chronic stress, grief, poverty, and even social isolation can have longer-lasting effects on our wellbeing.
Taken alone, this research might leave you feeling frustrated. Does this mean there’s no real benefit in going after things we think will improve our lives? And if pleasure fades so quickly, is it really enough on its own to sustain a life that feels fulfilling?
Beyond the next big thing
On the contrary, integrative psychotherapist and former NHS GP Dr Victoria Froome says that while the concept can initially feel demotivating, this knowledge can empower us to see that happiness is an inside job. Instead of the new car or relationship milestone, it’s our internal states that can lead us, when nurtured carefully, to a sense of contentment.
“The type of events that tend to cause lasting effects are those that relate to identity, relationships, resilience, skills, values, and strengths. All things that affect your foundations, such as falling in love, becoming a parent, managing to cope through a crisis, or recovery from illness, burnout, or mental health difficulty,” explains Dr Froome. “Therapy is another factor that helps work towards lasting benefits, through bringing about change to one’s foundations. A nice way to summarise this is that your experience may help you to reset, but what you build within yourself is what tends to remain steadfast in the long run.”
It’s this internal growth that Dr Froome finds most impactful for her clients who feel trapped in the pursuit of pleasure. “Often, it’s chasing the next goal persistently that contributes to burnout. I often focus on ‘strengths and values’ work with clients, and believe that this helps people to understand themselves and what is most important to them, and helps build a self that doesn’t depend on chasing targets.”
In this sense, Dr Froome notes that by defining your personal values and then seeking a job or relationship that is in alignment with those, you create a safer goal to work towards. “This person is more likely to be able to live meaningfully in the moment and move forward in a more joyful way,” says Dr Froome.
Less chasing, more living
Getting off the treadmill is something that may give you the chance to create lasting change. Whether that’s allowing yourself to rest or re-evaluating what really matters to you, there are several ways to renegotiate the way you define happiness.
Importantly, Dr Froome explains the aim is to work towards relying less on external validation and more on your internal stability. As an integrative therapist, she draws on a variety of tools that can be tailored to the individual and recommends several approaches.
“Person-centred therapy is valuable for helping people to strengthen their self-worth [...] acceptance and commitment therapy helps people to move towards value-based living. Cognitive behavioural therapy can be helpful through exploring and reshaping thinking patterns.”
However, self-compassion and pacing are essential. “If someone is very exhausted or burnt out, they may not be able to engage well with ACT or CBT, so it’s very important that we use the right tools, with the right person, at the right time.”
Mindfulness can be extremely helpful because you can train yourself to observe thoughts and feelings without reacting, an effective way to check in with your true wants and needs before taking action. This can also help you develop six core ‘foundations’ that will stay with you as happiness fluctuates, which Dr Froome names as: values, strengths, relationships, resilience, skills, and identity.
“These foundations are less susceptible to adaptation and provide a stable internal structure that supports long-term wellbeing. They may be less accessible at times, but the crucial point is that they still remain there.”
The hedonic treadmill suggests that happiness can’t be found in constant upgrades, achievements, or chasing the next rush. But instead of feeling bleak, maybe there’s something comforting about that. Because if endlessly searching for more is leaving you burned out and deflated, taking steps to feel more grounded in yourself – regardless of social status or material gain – could be the key to getting back on track.
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