It's time to let go of rigid plans and inject some last-minute thinking into your life
Work. Home life. Parenting. Obligations. Hobbies. Chores. Routine. Often, we have zero room to manoeuvre in our diaries, with dozens of things to navigate. The benefits of spending time with pals, and the dopamine hit this can deliver, can’t be challenged. Socialising is a self-care measure, but it’s often one we don’t make a priority, as ordinary life and mandatory tasks take over.
Trying to shoehorn in a social life, whether you are busy thanks to family responsibilities, or a demanding career, means we find ourselves scheduling our friendships, sometimes months in advance. But is it possible to loosen our grip on our diaries and see where that takes us?
Dr Claire Price is a chartered clinical psychologist. She explains that it’s very common to live our lives within strict timetables, but we also should try to make space for new experiences, or to cultivate relationships: “It is important to be able to move away from strict routines at times, to take up new or fun opportunities that may come our way. These are things that really give our lives meaning.”
If you’re usually a committed planner, Dr Price recommends using this skill to make space for fun: “Schedule in flexible time. This might sound counter-intuitive, but without free time, busy life takes over and other commitments trump. We can often find ourselves on the treadmill of day-to-day life; having boundaried free time ensures you can take up an opportunity, like seeing a friend when they text.”
Why ‘no’ can also be a flex
Being more flexible and welcoming social opportunities into your life doesn’t mean you have to say ‘yes’ to every single thing that comes your way. It can also be declining invitations, or turning down opportunities you aren’t really excited about, or that don’t align with your values, in order to better preserve your social battery for the things and people you really do want to spend time and energy on! That way, you can not only protect space in your calendar for unexpected fun, but also ensure when the opportunity arises, you have the energy to enjoy yourself, too.
The cult of perfection is evident now more than ever, thanks to constant images bombarding us via social media platforms. Dr Price reminds us to not believe everything we see on Instagram, Facebook, or TikTok.
“We know the images captured on social media are far from reality. Aim to let go of the idea of perfection. The want for things to be perfect requires a great deal of preparation and mental energy; this can be draining and puts us off doing them.”
By remembering that our social lives don’t need to be curated moments uploaded to social media, we can lose some pressure and, instead, enjoy interactions for what they are and how they make us feel.
All too often we have full control over our plans. But by allowing in some flexibility, you’re giving space to welcome opportunities that you may not have had otherwise. Dr Price tells us to be brave, and occasionally ignore the alerts pinging from our calendars.
“It is human nature to want to feel in control,” Dr Price says. “To be flexible means letting go of this desire somewhat, which can provoke anxiety. Ask yourself ‘What is the worst that can happen?’ Usually, the things we worry about don’t happen.”
I had my own experience of this. When asked if I could make a pub quiz in five days’ time, I ignored my instincts and said yes. Instead of thinking about how tired I might be on a Friday evening, and my plans for a busy Saturday, I took the opportunity. I had a great evening, spent time with friends I hardly ever get the chance to chat meaningfully to, and our team even swept to victory at the quiz!
Sometimes the experiences which mean the most to us don’t present themselves in our everyday lives. This could be anything from seeing a play on tour, to taking up a new sport. We have to seek these opportunities out, and that means allowing ourselves to be flexible enough to make them happen.
To get these perks, Dr Price suggests we keep in mind what we hold dear. “When an offer or opportunity presents itself, ask yourself: ‘What is important to me?’ And check in with your value set. Examples of common values are things like having family time, self-improvement, being fit and healthy, showing kindness, or learning new things. These give us a sense of achievement and purpose, but usually they happen outside of our routine, so they require flexibility.”
I’ve seen an equally busy friend twice recently, each time arranged hastily just a couple of hours beforehand. We love spending time together, and both get so much out of reconnecting, but it doesn’t happen often. Usually, we have to coordinate calendars, negotiating between kids’ sports fixtures and social obligations. Instead, I sent a no pressure text, and she was able to nudge a meeting. Hey presto! A quick coffee and a catch up.
It’s possible to go through life ticking off the demands placed on us, and doing what is expected of us. But to find spots of joy, catch up with our nearest and dearest, or to enjoy new experiences, we can’t simply be slaves to our schedules. Learning how to engineer some flexibility might bring more rewards, memories, and laughs than a jam-packed diary ever could.
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