Can our favourite childhood stories reveal our hurt and help us heal?
She asked me what my favourite fairy tale was. I responded, with no thought required: The Little Mermaid. She probed a little further. “And do you ever struggle to find your voice?” There it was, like a big cartoon anvil to the head. I assumed it was just because I liked Ariel’s lush red hair, or because I was smitten with the leading man but, it turns out, there might be more to this bias than I ever considered.
The ‘she’ I refer to is psychotherapist Laura Patterson, who specialises in using the creative to uncover the unconscious mind. “Fairy tales provide rich imagery which the unconscious mind can connect with and relate to,” she explains. “They serve as a container for the unconscious and, once opened, allow us to affect real change in our lives.”
As a child I was reserved; I’d cower from public speaking and, to this day, I rarely say what’s on my mind. This connection to a voiceless Ariel might allude to something much greater than some crush on a handsome prince.
The importance of the unconscious
Our unconscious mind is not something we have access to, yet while it exists beneath the surface, it’s what drives our behaviour.
“The majority of our psyche is unconscious,” states Laura, “and yet it underpins all that we are.” This concept would fall into the Freudian territory of psychodynamic theory, which purports that there are layers to consciousness. Additionally, within our unconscious there are ‘complexes’ – a term most of us will be familiar with.
Laura explains how this might play out: “When we encounter something in the present, the mind will delve into these filing cabinets to access what we know about this particular thing, and how we should react. Therefore, the complex becomes active and we act on it.”
It seems a set of beliefs, packed away in our unconscious, is driving our behaviour.
“But by making the unconscious conscious, we can release energy from the complex, separating the past from the here and now and act presently rather than unconsciously,” Laura explains.
Fairy tales as archetypes
Knowing that our unconscious begins to develop in our early years, it’s easy to see how fairy tales form an integral part of this. Most of us have been exposed to fairy tales from early youth – whether it was a parent reading us a bedtime story or watching a Disney classic on VHS, they inform to how we interpret the world.
In his book, The Uses of Enchantment: The Meaning and Importance of Fairy Tales, psychologist Bruno Bettelheim explains that through the fairy tale narrative “the child makes sense of life’s bewilderment. The imagery in fairy tales allows the child to explore their fears in remote and symbolic terms.”
Renowned Swiss psychiatrist Carl Jung found that humans are often influenced by unconscious patterns, and settings that have mythological characters, and do not follow the rules of logic. These types of stories would present us with enduring archetypes – that is, patterns of behaviour and cognition that are representative of the human collective.
Most children will have a favourite fairy tale. “This is because they have connected with it on some deep level, and they are able to project themselves into it,” Laura says. “They can see a happily ever after in a scenario that they may feel they have no power or control over.”
These early connections to characters and stories would come to form much of our unconscious biases throughout our lives, impacting how we think and behave.
What is your favourite fairy tale?
Take Snow White as an example – a fairy tale often cited in Laura’s own practice. It tells a tale of abandonment and narcissism. The stepmother is so jealous of her stepdaughter’s beauty that she victimises herself (old, frail hag needing help) only to poison Snow White. Laura explains that “daughters of narcissistic mothers often connect deeply with Snow White. The psychological task is then to work with ‘the hag’ and transform the story by encouraging a new internal image to be formed.”
Another fairy tale often used is Beauty and the Beast. “Those who connect with Beauty and the Beast split off parts of themselves they deem unacceptable; the perceived beastly parts no one could ever love,” explains Laura. “In order for them to move forward, clients need to start viewing all those parts and learn to love them.”
Laura suggests working through these things with a therapist because they can bring up deep-rooted issues. But there are questions people can ask themselves that can lead them in the right direction.
“What was it about the hero of the story you loved or found relatable (a direct line to themselves)? What was it about the storyline you found interesting (a direct line to their struggle)? What was it you found magical about the tale or the final outcome (a direct line to the solution they need to find in life)?” Laura says.
The key to fairy tale therapy is finding a story that speaks to you, and exploring this with openness. This allows us to gain insight from a distance, working through problems objectively and, most importantly, with the hope of a happily ever after.
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