With more and more people searching for information on covert narcissism and narcissism in general, we answer some of your top questions on covert and overt narcissism

We’ve all heard of narcissists before; it’s a term that can be thrown around easily when we’re trying to describe someone who is self-centred and puts their own thoughts and needs first (even if it’s at the expense of others). We all occasionally do things that can be described as narcissistic in behaviour – but this isn’t the same thing as being a narcissist. 

Whereas narcissism is a trait, narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) is a pattern of behaviours that impacts most or all areas of someone’s life consistently over time. So while someone with narcissistic personality disorder is a narcissist, not everyone who is a narcissist has NPD. 

According to new data from Counselling Directory and Life Coach Directory, there has been a significant rise in people looking to find out more about covert narcissists and how covert narcissism can be disgusted as altruism. New data reveals that between April - June 2024, Counselling Directory saw a 94% rise in searches relating to narcissism and 19% for narcissistic compared to the previous three-month period. 

Sister site Life Coach Directory also saw a 734% rise in organic Google search impressions and a 600% increase in users interested in finding out more about covert narcissism disguised as altruism and a 95% increase in users looking for more information on what to do in the aftermath of a covert narcissist’s discard (when a narcissist ends their relationship with you). 

Counselling Directory member and Psychotherapist Lisa Bruton, commented: 

“Narcissism is coming up more in my practice and I think this is useful in many ways but the way people talk about narcissism as being something you either are or aren't, isn't helpful.

“I think some of the drawbacks of this term are people cut off relationships too early, don't communicate, don't think about how they too can be narcissistic at times and that there can be an appeal to people who seem narcissistic - fun, confidence, vitality etc.”

With an estimated one in 20 people in the UK having narcissistic personality disorder, discovering more about the condition – and how you can find help and support – is important. But what’s the difference between narcissism and covert narcissism?

What is covert narcissism?

Covert narcissism (also known as vulnerable narcissism) refers to the more introverted side of narcissistic personality disorder. A covert narcissist might have many of the same symptoms of NPD as an overt narcissist, but may be able to hide them more easily. They can also have other traits not typically associated with overt narcissism. 

Counselling Directory member and Integrative Psychotherapist Charlotte Deverell explains more about the differences between overt and covert narcissism,

“Covert and overt narcissism, often referred to as vulnerable and grandiose narcissism, are two sub-types of narcissism. They are characterised by similar core personality traits and behaviours such as entitlement, an elevated sense of self-importance, a lack of empathy towards others and prioritising one’s own needs. Both experience an absence or inaccurate self-appraisal and therefore engage in excessive validation-seeking behaviours from others and engage in relationships which are often transactional. 

“Covert narcissism can be challenging to identify as the manifesting behaviours are often subtle and misleading, despite this, the impact of these behaviours are significant. Unlike overt narcissists, covert narcissists are typically individuals who don’t stand out in a crowd, are introverted, avoid social situations, have low self-esteem and poor emotional regulation.”

Traits a covert narcissist might exhibit can include shyness, defensiveness, introversion, insecurity, and passive aggression, as well as being more self-conscious, sensitive to what others may think of them, more sensitive to criticism, and being self-deprecating. 

Unlike overt narcissism, covert narcissism can be harder to identify. A covert narcissist might not stand out in the same ways that a more overt narcissist might, as they can be more introverted, may avoid social situations, or have lower self-esteem. 

Counsellor Charlotte explains many of us are more familiar with the traits of overt narcissism thanks to media portrayals. “Overt narcissism is often more easily identified and is often the typical representation of narcissism that we find in society and media. 

“Overt narcissists are often grandiose, egocentric, power-hungry, larger-than-life, charismatic and attention-seeking individuals who mask their insecurity through their outward appearance and are often highly successful individuals who place significant value on material things. Contrary to covert narcissists, overt narcissists often seek to be the centre of attention and dominate others, brag about their successes and display high levels of arrogance.”

Finding help and support for covert narcissism

If you think you might be a covert narcissist, seeking help as soon as possible is key to help you avoid the risk of developing further conditions. Without help and support, those with NPD can be at risk of depression, suicidal thoughts, alcohol or substance abuse. Speaking with your GP can help you to seek an official diagnosis, as well as to help find what support and treatment options are available in your area.

Talking therapies such as cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT) and family therapy may be suggested. CBT can help you to develop new ways of thinking and change unhelpful patterns and thought processes, as well as to identify healthier behaviours. Family therapy can help to explore any communication problems or issues that may have arisen and could benefit from extra help and support. 

Group therapy can be another recommended option, as it can provide a safe space to talk with others, explore boundaries, increase self-awareness, and work towards developing trust. 

Talking therapy can last for months or years, depending on the therapy type, the issues you may need help with, and what works best for your individual needs and situation.

Discover more about covert narcissism, narcissistic personality disorder and how to find help.