Is it boredom or is it ennui? Why knowing the difference could help bring back your sparkle
During the colder, darker months, outside of the ‘fresh start’ calendar bumps of September and January, a certain feeling of world-weariness and tedium may set in. Say hello to ‘ennui’.
This French word (pronounced ‘on-wee’) may sound flamboyant, but it’s used to describe a very particular existential feeling that is anything but. “Ennui differs from boredom, because boredom is a transient thing that ebbs and flows depending on the situation and the people you’re surrounded by,” explains Dr Marianne Trent, clinical psychologist and host of ‘The Aspiring Psychologist’ podcast. “It also differs from a mental health condition such as depression, which would usually have an intense pain element, along with hopelessness, and a feeling that life is pointless. With ennui, life just doesn’t feel vibrant, it’s like the gloss has been taken off.”
This feeling can rear its head at any time, either attaching itself to our job or a relationship, but it can often pervade our whole lives, leaving us feeling unstimulated and unsatisfied with the people, places, and activities that we used to enjoy.
When are we vulnerable to a bout of ennui?
Dr Ann Kirkman, senior lecturer in psychology at the University of Derby, reminds us that a lack of novelty and challenge can breed ennui. “At home, our daily lives can easily become monotonous, predictable, and routine. We get into the habit of doing the same things every day with no thought beyond what is necessary. At work, there may be a lack of growth opportunities and challenges, which can make it feel like an endless, uninspiring cycle. Work ennui frequently comes from a sense of unfulfillment, or disconnection from the goal.”
In relationships, Dr Trent explains: “You might experience ennui when you’ve become stuck in a relationship or a family situation when you, otherwise, might have chosen to move on. When we feel trapped by certain circumstances and are yearning for something more or different, we may naturally adjust by turning down our vibrancy.” And that’s ennui.
It can feel frustrating, but is a period of ennui ever a good thing? According to the experts, it could be transformative.
“If we’re connected and curious about these thoughts and feelings, it can be a catalyst for change,” assures Dr Trent. “I know that change can feel triggering, challenging, and uncomfortable, but ennui might be present because whatever we have in our lives is no longer true to our values, or no longer bringing us the joy it did previously. So, ennui might actually be a helpful way of telling us that there’s another more fulfilling or meaningful path out there.”
How to overcome ennui
Recognising that your state of listlessness and discontentment is, in fact, ennui can be eye-opening, but what now? By its very nature, it instils in us a ‘can’t-be-bothered-ness’ that makes it hard to shift your ennui energy to one of vitality again. Dr Trent explains that there are no quick fixes, but a period of introspection can help you get to the root causes of your ennui.
“Tune-in to what might be missing. Think to yourself: ‘If I were to start again, what would resonate with me? What excites, delights, and motivates me? What are my current goals compared to my previous goals?’” she suggests. “In life, our priorities and dependencies can change over time, which means that we change over time. We need to regularly check in with ourselves to see if we’re currently being true to our values, and living this vibrant life we deserve to live.”
This takes time, and doesn’t necessarily require drastic moves such as ending relationships, quitting your job, and moving house – essentially burning your life to the ground to start again from scratch. “It takes time to overcome, and shouldn’t be done on a whim,” adds Dr Trent, explaining that any conclusions, which are likely to involve other people, should be approached respectfully and compassionately, while remembering that you deserve to thrive.
Steps to revitalise your life
The good news is that once you have addressed the causes of your ennui, there are practical steps you can take to bring the spark back into your life.
Talk to loved ones
“Having conversations with those closest to you might help break the cycle of dissatisfaction by providing emotional support and fresh viewpoints,” says Dr Kirkman.
Learn new things
Starting a random hobby or learning something new can “break the monotony and re-energise the mind, while changing your routine brings back novelty and variety,” Dr Kirkman says.
Reconnect with old friends
Dr Trent recommends spending time with people who previously brought joy and fun into your life, but whom you may have lost touch with. Being with old friends and acquaintances can remind us of what matters in our lives, what excites and enlivens us.
Set yourself goals
Both experts agree that goal-setting in any area of life, whether big or small, is a useful exercise. Dr Kirkman says: “Finding significance in our work, and creating personal goals, can cultivate purpose, which gives us direction and fulfilment.”
Maintain a healthy lifestyle
It’s hard to shake off ennui if we’re not keeping our mind and body in good health. In the short term, Dr Kirkman recommends exercise “because it releases endorphins, which elevate mood and increase energy. Also, activities like stretching and deep breathing can have a big impact.”
Dr Trent agrees, adding: “Just like any life advice, moving on from ennui involves a multi-faceted, holistic approach. Make sure you’re eating well, sleeping well, moving your body, and surrounding yourself with people who are good people.”
Even with all this, ennui won’t evaporate overnight. But recognising and understanding why you might have lost your spark, can set you on a path of introspection to reignite it.
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