Sometimes, we get caught up in the stories we tell about ourselves, even when we’ve outgrown them. ‘Narrative therapy’ offers a solution...
Humans have always used stories to connect, share experiences, and express thoughts and emotions. Through storytelling, we make sense of the world – and our place in it.
Narrative therapy builds on this idea. It helps us explore the stories we tell ourselves and others, uncovering meaning, deepening self-understanding, and opening up space for growth.
What is narrative therapy?
“Narrative therapy aims to help you explore, reframe, and rewrite your personal story in a way that reflects your values, strengths, and hopes for the future,” says counsellor and parenting expert Jenny Warwick.
“It’s a specific type of talking therapy that sees the person as separate from their issues,” she explains. “You are not the problem, it’s the problem that’s the problem. It is based on the idea that we make sense of the world, and ourselves, through the stories we tell.”
Our narratives can influence how we think, feel, and behave. While some are healthy, others can result in distress, for example, when you label yourself a ‘failure’ because a work project hasn’t gone well. By reframing unhelpful narratives, you can nurture healthier alternatives.
Although it can help to work with a therapist, you can also try narrative therapy techniques at home. Here’s how to get started...
Externalise the problem
One of the key elements of narrative therapy is to separate the issue from the person. By seeing your problems as external – instead of an unchangeable part of yourself – you can start to realise that you are not the problem.
“Instead of saying ‘I’m anxious’ you might say – ‘Here’s anxiety showing up again. What’s it trying to do?’” says Jenny. “One way I explain this is by referring to the film Monsters, Inc. The monster under the bed isn’t evil, he’s just doing his job. And once you really look at him, he’s not as scary as you first thought. Naming the problem and seeing it from a distance can make it feel more manageable.”
Deconstruct the story
Breaking down stories into smaller, manageable parts is another key technique. By deconstructing a complex problem, it can help you get to the root of the issue.
To deconstruct a story, get into the details of what’s bothering you. For example, if you’re unhappy with your current romantic relationship, think about why. Are you lonely? Missing intimacy? Lacking shared interests?
“Deconstructing makes the problems more specific, and aims to reduce overgeneralising, overwhelm, or confusion,” explains Jenny.
When you break it down into smaller chunks, the whole picture becomes easier to understand as you investigate, and rewrite, piece by piece.
Words are powerful
Naming a problem addresses the idea that we are a passive viewer of our lives and can create psychological distance, making it easier to process. For example, you might name your issue ‘anxious thoughts about travel’.
“Name your intentions and values too,” says Jenny. “Rather than asking yourself, ‘What’s wrong with me?’ try asking, ‘What really matters to me?’ This helps you to get underneath what you’re finding difficult, and begin to shape a story that’s rooted in your values, not your challenges.”
Reframe the issue
To create a new narrative, try ‘reframing’ the problem – a technique Jenny recommends doing in the form of writing.
“Write down the story you tend to tell yourself about a particular issue, then explore where that story comes from, and whether it’s actually true,” she says. “This can help you notice patterns and start to rewrite the narrative.”
If you often tell yourself that you’re ‘unsuccessful’, consider whether this is true. Write down instances of success, no matter how small, which prove that this narrative is inaccurate.
Practise self-care
“Take breaks and go at your own pace,” says Jenny. “Have a grounding routine in place before and after doing narrative work. Give yourself five minutes – take some deep breaths, get outside for a short walk, or make yourself a calming cup of tea.”
After you’ve explored a story or done some writing, follow it with something you find enjoyable.
Without the guidance of a therapist, it can be difficult to recognise just how deeply a story is embedded. A trained professional can also help you understand how gender, class, race, culture, and sexual identity can contribute to our internal narratives over time.
“A therapist can offer a safe and structured space where you can gently challenge unhelpful narratives and help you recognise and draw on strengths you may be overlooking,” says Jenny. “Therapists can also help you hold the thread of the preferred story, especially when you might otherwise drift back to the dominant problem story.”
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