Pressures in the classroom, playground, and from peer groups, can make school a difficult environment for many young people. Here we offer practical tips to help ease the anguish
It’s normal for children to experience worries and nerves, just like adults. But, for some, anxiety – especially around school – can be a bigger problem. While many kids love school, others find it trickier.
For younger kids, school anxiety often manifests as being tearful or clingy, withdrawing at school, or not sleeping well. For older children, it might progress to school avoidance; a 2024 survey by youth mental health charity stem4 found almost three in 10 secondary pupils avoid school because it makes them anxious.
There can be many reasons for this, as counsellor Linzi Littleford explains. “Consider the noisiness and busy-ness of the classroom and playground, feeling unsettled in class, and (for older children) pressure to remember all equipment, timetables, and exam stress. In addition, the fear of not making friends or navigating social scenarios, and every parent’s fear – bullying.”
Whatever the cause, Linzi’s practical solutions to support your child with school anxiety might help.
Validate their thoughts and feelings
How often has ‘You’re fine, don’t be silly!’ been on the tip of your tongue in conversations with your child? While we want to reassure our children, this mustn’t turn into dismissing their feelings altogether.
“It’s so important to validate your child’s feelings, with empathy and support,” says Linzi. “The goal is for your child to experience you as a safe space. This could be shown by taking an interest in resolving their concerns, and letting them know that you have a willingness to understand their internal world.”
Check-in regularly with the school
If you notice a pattern of school anxiety, it can be worth reaching out to your child’s teacher.
“If teachers are aware of how your child is feeling, they’re in a better position to help and observe,” says Linzi. “So check in regularly with your child’s teacher about their day, and request feedback on what they enjoyed or found difficult.”
It can be hard to grab a minute at the school gates, so don’t be afraid to request a formal meeting. “You have a shared goal here: the wellbeing of your child,” explains Linzi. Use this time to create a plan or specific adjustments to support your child. “For example, if the anxiety is regarding friendships, perhaps the school could introduce your child to different social groups. Keep a written record of what’s been agreed, and suggest a follow-up meeting,” she adds.
Consider at-home behaviour, too
“Sometimes all the worry and stress from the day gets bottled up and then unleashed at home because home, or specifically you, are their safe space. If your child feels safe enough to throw all their anxiety, and anger, at being upset in your direction, they know you will help them make sense of confusing and difficult feelings,” explains Linzi. It’s important to realise this kind of behaviour is not an attack on you, so try not to take it personally.
Pick your time to chat carefully
Try not to bombard your child with questions while driving home, or ask ‘How was your day?’ as soon as they walk through the door. Just like adults need some time to decompress and process, children do too. So, when’s a good time to chat? “Bedtime is often the preferred time for children to talk and open up, especially if they feel safe to do so following a consistent and expected bedtime routine,” explains Linzi.
For younger children, it might be a play session instead. “Younger children may not have the vocabulary to explain, so meet them in a world of play. Let your creative side shine through role-play, stories, and games. Perhaps a character is feeling worried about something at school, and together you can create a story on how this character can feel better,” suggests Linzi.
Help them to Pick a transitional object
A transitional object is something your child takes from home to school, to help with things like separation anxiety. These are common, like a special teddy that younger children are attached to, but can be useful for all ages.
“This object eases separation anxiety from parents, and represents comfort and safety. There is no age limit on when a child should not need their special comfort anymore – consider adults who still suck their thumb for comfort, or keep that special teddy tucked away! Schools may differ on their opinion on allowing kids to bring comforts from home, however, you are the advocate for your child here,” says Linzi.
School anxiety is not uncommon, but is understandably a real worry for parents. While some worries can be easily resolved with the previous tips, trust your instincts when it comes to getting extra help. As Linzi says: “You know your child best, what does your instinct tell you?” Use this to help you decide your next steps.
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