Sometimes we don’t go after the things we truly want, because we’re trying to blend in, avoid failure, or simply can’t find the energy. But something magical can happen when we stop ‘playing small’, and start stepping out of our comfort zone
You may have heard the saying: “You’re never too old to dream a new dream.” But do you ever feel like you’re holding back on chasing that dream? Like you’re waiting on a permission slip to really go for it?
Taking action on your big dreams (AKA ‘playing big’) can feel scary. To avoid disappointment, many of us play small – setting goals that feel safe, and prevent us from feeling too vulnerable. But, what if you allowed yourself to set bigger goals, and took consistent action towards them? If you want to start being a little more audacious, here’s how to get started.
Make a ‘want-to-do’ list
Playing big doesn’t necessarily mean mapping out a complex business idea, or relocating to another country – it’s about taking up space and fulfilling your potential, whatever that means to you.
Jo Hooper, life and business coach at Get Wildly Free, recommends making a ‘want-to-do’ list. From running a marathon to paying off a chunk of debt, she says: “Ask yourself what would make you proud to have done in six months’ time. Take regular small actions towards it, and reward yourself for taking the action – that’s the bit we often forget.”
ADHD coach Kristin Mcilquham also encourages her clients to articulate exactly what they want out of life. “This will often be met with resistance, but the key is to have fun with it. You can journal, make a vision board, or note down ideas on your phone. The key is to track your excitement, and what gives you a reaction in your body.”
Goals are often associated with career or academic success. But playing big is about your whole life, from career, relationships, and health to creativity, and personal growth.
So, when you’re making your want-to-do list, make sure you’re thinking about various aspects of your life, like where you want to live, the pottery course you want to take, or the lasting impact of your parenting.
Do an energy audit
Before you can start playing big, you need to know what’s contributing to playing small. An energy audit (developed by the Energy Project’s CEO Tony Schwartz) is a powerful way to assess where your precious energy is going, and what’s holding you back.
Grab a notebook and explore four key areas:
Physical energy: Are you sleeping well, eating nourishing food, and moving your body in ways that energise you? Playing big requires stamina, and that starts with self-care.
Emotional energy: What brings you joy and gratitude? What drains you? Understanding your emotional landscape helps you protect your spark, and bounce back from setbacks.
Mental focus: Are you able to stay on task, think creatively, and organise your thoughts? Big goals need clear thinking, and space to imagine.
Spiritual alignment: Are you living in line with your values? Do you feel connected to something meaningful? Playing big isn’t just about ambition, it’s about purpose.
These reflections help you identify what’s depleting you, so you can refine your focus, and create space for bold action.
Start living your minimum viable dream
Your minimum viable dream (MVD) is a version of your dream life you can start living right now – embodying the energy of the life you aspire to, but accessible to you in the here and now.
If you dream of being an award-winning actor on Broadway, then your MVD could be joining a local theatre group. If you dream of owning a bakery, your MVD could be practising baking a new cake every week. You might be surprised how many aspects of your dream life are already accessible to you.
Learn to love rejection
Fear of rejection plays a big part in why people play it small. In his TED Talk, entrepreneur Jia Jiang explains how he overcame the fear of being told ‘no’ by actively seeking rejection, every single day, for 100 days.
Why not try your own version of this? Set a goal of putting yourself out there in one area of focus, X number of times, regardless of the number of rejections you get. For that acting goal, it could be 10 auditions that don’t land you any roles. For a career pivot, it could be 20 rejections to start an internship. Eventually, all the rejections will start to roll off your back and, in turn, become less of a perceived obstacle in your pursuit of success.
Because ultimately, playing big isn’t about winning every time, or even having it all figured out – it’s about choosing courage over comfort, in order to chase the big life you’ve been dreaming of.
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