Dealing with a toxic parent can be difficult at any age. We explain more about the signs to look out for and what you can do to make your relationship more manageable 

Toxic relationships can be painful and challenging. But unlike with toxic friendships or romantic relationships, having a toxic family member can feel inescapable. Our parents are supposed to support us, help us feel good about ourselves, and help us feel safe. But for those with a toxic parent, you might find yourself feeling judged, confused, unsure of yourself, or overwhelmed. 

If your interactions with a parent leave you feeling like you are constantly walking on eggshells, like you can’t say no, or you find yourself feeling bad after interactions with them, it could be a sign that you have a toxic parent, and something about your relationship with them needs to change. 

Spotting the signs of an unhealthy relationship with one or more parents can be tough. You may be used to relying on them, trusting them to know what’s best, or doing as they expect without thinking if it’s what you really want (or what’s best for you). So, what are the signs to look out for, and how can you make positive changes to put your wellbeing first?

Signs your parent may be toxic

As well as making you feel bad about yourself or uncertain, there are other signs you can look out for. Does it feel like they:

  • Are critical of you, the choices you make, or your lifestyle?
  • Try to manipulate or control you?
  • Judge you and those you choose to have in your life? For example, friends or romantic partners?
  • Make it difficult for you to make your own choices or set goals without their input or feedback? 
  • Seem overly needy or demanding towards you?

Over time, a toxic parent can have a significant negative impact on you. You might find your mental health and overall wellbeing suffer, may develop lower self-esteem, or have difficulty forming healthy relationships. A toxic parent can make you doubt yourself and your ability to make choices, whether that’s deciding what you do, who you have in your life, or even what hobbies you should have. The constant, ongoing stress of dealing with a toxic parent can lead you to feel overwhelmed, anxious, and can negatively impact your ability to trust yourself and others. 

So, what can you do to deal with toxic parents? How can you cope with these unhelpful behaviours? And can you still have a relationship with a toxic parent without sacrificing yourself?

How to deal with toxic parents

There are different strategies you can try to help deal with a toxic parent. Some may work better for you than others; it’s ok to try different things and to find out what works best for you! 

Set (and stick to) boundaries

Having boundaries can be healthy. Boundaries help to set and define clear expectations about how others can treat us, and what will happen if those boundaries are broken. 

As one Counselling Directory member explains, “Personal boundaries act as protective barriers that define our sense of self and our comfort zones. They dictate what we are willing to accept, how we expect to be treated, and how we engage with others. At the heart of boundary-setting lies communication. Being able to express our needs, limits, and feelings with clarity and confidence is a skill developed over time.”

Boundaries are all about ensuring you are protecting yourself and letting the right people in. They can give you the space to focus on your wellbeing, to grow, and to have peace of mind. If you are unsure how to get started, try these simple tips to set boundaries to protect your mental health. 

Stop trying to please

Wanting your parents' approval is a natural response. Who doesn’t want their parents to be proud of them? But sometimes, it can feel like nothing you do will ever be good enough. Remind yourself: This is your life. You are allowed to make your own choices, to focus on what you want, and to set your own goals. Focusing on what you want first and foremost can help you to shift away from the constant need for validation from others. It’s okay to put yourself first.

Accept that there are things you cannot change

We can’t change those around us; we can only change ourselves and how we react. If a toxic parent doesn’t want to change, it can be tough to accept that you can’t help them change. You may end up feeling frustrated, overwhelmed, or exhausted from trying over and over again without success. It could be time to shift your focus and to try and consider what you can control, rather than what you can’t.

What choices could you make differently? Is your behaviour helping you to feel better about yourself or the situation, or could a different response (such as sticking firmly to your boundaries) feel more helpful?

Don’t be afraid to step back

You don’t have to keep pushing yourself to stay if a situation is feeling overwhelming. Sometimes, this can only cause things to escalate and feel worse. Taking a step back and having a break in the moment, or for a little longer, can give you the space to regroup, look after yourself, and consider your response. You don’t need to take part in every argument or disagreement that might arise. 

It’s ok to put your own wants and needs first. For example, your parent might assume you will make yourself available to pick up shopping for them, that you will spend the holidays with them, or that you will drop your plans for them with little or no notice. You can choose when and how to respond, how available you are, and decide how you want to spend your time and energy. 

Practice self-care

Stress can have a lasting impact on your overall sense of wellbeing – and dealing with a toxic parent? It can feel stressful. Making self-care a priority can help remind you that your wellbeing is important, not an afterthought.

This could mean making sure you are eating a healthy, balanced diet, ensuring you are practising good sleep hygiene, making time to exercise, catching up with friends, and doing things that bring you joy. If you aren’t sure how to get started, Counselling Directory share some great tips and simple self-care techniques.

Remember, healing doesn’t happen overnight, and navigating a toxic parent relationship can be a long journey — but it’s one you don’t have to take alone. By setting healthy boundaries, practising self-care, and recognising your worth, you’re already taking powerful steps toward protecting your peace.

You deserve to feel safe, respected, and valued—starting with how you treat yourself. Be kind to yourself, seek support when you need it, and remember: you have every right to create the life and relationships that support your wellbeing.