How to cope with family stress

No matter how much we love them, families can be stressful. We share more about why our families make us stressed, and simple ways you can cope with family stress (and make yourself a priority)

Stress. It’s never fun. Whether you’re feeling stressed because of work, finances, family, or health-related reasons, stress can play a significant role in not only how we feel – but in how well we are able to cope with new, unexpected changes and events

We all expect to feel a little bit stressed about certain things; who hasn’t had a stressful day at work, or worried about their finances? But when it comes to family-related stress, it can be harder to admit that we are struggling. Relationship difficulties, caring for unwell family members, juggling day-to-day life admin, managing the needs and expectations of loved ones – it can all get a bit much at times. 

So, what causes family stress, and how can we learn to cope better? 

Why does my family make me stressed?

We all experience stress from time to time. Too much pressure, too many expectations, and not enough time for ourselves can all add up to feelings of overwhelm. After a while, it can feel like we can’t cope (and, over time, can even lead to feelings of burnout).

Family stress happens when we feel like there are more stressors in our lives than we can handle. This can happen for a number of different reasons:

• Major life events like the birth of a child, the death of a friend or family member, or a child hitting a major life milestone like going to school or leaving home can cause temporary or ongoing feelings of stress. 
• Financial issues or challenges like unexpected expenses, the loss of a job or reduced income can cause unexpected or continued stress that affects the whole family.
• Communication or relationship issues between partners, parents and children, or parents and grandparents can add to feelings of stress and frustration. 
• School or work priorities, tasks, or situations causing additional stress that can spill over into family life. 
• Unbalanced workloads leading to one family member feeling like they are taking on an unfair number of chores around the house or too much of the mental workload for the family. 

Stress can manifest with emotional, physical, and mental symptoms. You might feel generally tired, irritable, or have difficulty completing basic tasks. You might start to feel emotionally withdrawn (detached or impatient) from your family and may start avoiding certain things like spending time with them or putting off basic chores or responsibilities. 

Having more arguments due to poor communication and frustration can also be common. Physically, you might find yourself with an increased or decreased appetite, headaches, digestive problems, or trouble sleeping. Over time, stress can even lead to feelings of increased anxiety and depression. 

Experiencing family-related stress doesn’t mean that you love your family any less, or that you are failing in some way. All families experience tension and stress sometimes. It’s when things start to get overwhelming, out of control, or affect how you are feeling as a whole over a longer period of time that it can be a sign that you might need help. 

Learning to manage family stress

There are a number of different things you can try to help you learn how to manage family stress both as an individual and as a family. Trying different methods until you find one that works for the family as a whole can be an important step to ensuring that everyone feels more able to face life’s stressors, and that no single person feels like they are holding too many responsibilities.

Acknowledge and prioritise your stressors and your mental workload - letting go of the little things, and learning to prioritise the big stressors first can help you to tackle things in a more helpful, productive way. This can also give you the time and space to analyse what is causing you the most stress, and to tackle these tasks first. 

Set healthy boundaries and share the load - taking on new, unnecessary extra duties doesn’t always sound possible, but learning to set healthy boundaries can be vital in protecting our mental health and wellbeing. Try and consider all of the tasks and responsibilities you already have to get a better understanding of your existing load, and keep this in mind when being presented with new requests. While it might be nice to volunteer to help out with a school event or to take the kids and their friends both to an afterschool club, consider if there are other options – and other people – who can help spread the load.

Take care of yourself - making time for yourself, your needs, and what you enjoy isn’t selfish. It can feel like an afterthought on an already overflowing list of things to do. But if you aren’t looking after yourself, you won’t have the mental and physical energy and capacity to be there for your family, either. Taking time to relax, practising self-care, and giving yourself time to connect with others outside of your family can all be healthy ways of reducing stress. 

Work with a professional - working with a stress hypnotherapist can help you to learn how to break negative thought patterns and responses to stress using hypnotherapy. A hypnotherapist can help you to learn healthier reactions and coping mechanisms, as well as to ease related symptoms and teach you techniques to help promote relaxation.  

By putting you in a deep state of relaxation, hypnotherapy can help to encourage changes in unhelpful behaviours and attitudes. It can also be helpful in promoting healthier sleeping habits (which in turn can give you more energy to feel ready to face life’s stressors). Your hypnotherapist may also introduce you to self-hypnosis for relaxation exercises, which can help you keep on top of your stress levels.  

Speaking with a stress counsellor or therapist can provide a helpful outlet for stress, as well as a safe space to talk without worrying about upsetting family members or causing them additional stress. A therapist can help you to better understand underlying issues that may be causing or exacerbating your stress, as well as to identify personal stress triggers, and discuss ways in which you can cope with these.

Stress can feel overwhelming and, at times, never-ending. It can be tough, but it’s important to remember that, while being a little stressed sometimes is normal, feeling stressed most or all of the time can be a sign that something needs to change, and it’s time to make changes or seek help.