What to do when you feel dismissed or not listened to by the professionals you’re taught to trust, and must rely on for support
When I experienced perimenopausal symptoms, I booked an appointment with my GP – armed with information about my menstrual cycles, hot flushes, and family history of early menopause. As soon as I stopped speaking, the doctor asked me to hop on the weighing scales.
First and foremost, she said, I was to lose ‘three stone’. When I said I was a healthy size and a runner, she told me to stop eating processed foods – something I rarely do – pointing to my ‘obese’ BMI. I felt dismissed.
When I shared my experience with female friends, an alarming number chimed in with similar stories. Research mirrors this, with a survey of 5,100 people for the Gender Pain Gap Index Report finding that more than half of women (56%) feel their pain is ignored by healthcare professionals. Additionally, the MS Society states that 88% of people with MS have experienced medical gaslighting.
What to do if you feel dismissed in a GP appointment
“It can be difficult to seek help for a medical issue, as many of us feel we are making a fuss or that our problem isn’t that bad,” says psychotherapist Clare Patterson. “We hope to be listened to and reassured that what we have come to speak about is important, and that our health does matter. When this doesn’t happen we can feel let down.”
While anyone can feel dismissed by medical professionals, research suggests that women and young people are disproportionately affected. A survey by health testing firm Medichecks revealed that 94.4% of women aged 25–34, and 88% of those aged 18–24, felt their health concerns were ignored.
The onus shouldn’t be on any of us to have to advocate for ourselves to be taken seriously with healthcare, but it is still helpful to know these tips to help make the process easier:
Ask to speak to a different doctor
Firstly, know that you can request to see a different doctor at your surgery. “If you feel it would be helpful, express the challenges you faced with the GP to the surgery,” suggests Clare.
In England, NHS patients have the right to choose. This means you can choose your GP and GP practice, select where to go for a first appointment as an outpatient, and you can ask to change healthcare providers if you’re likely to wait longer than the maximum waiting time specified for your treatment.
In Northern Ireland, Scotland and Wales, you are entitled to choose to be referred to any organisation that provides appropriate care for your condition that has been appointed by the NHS to provide that service.
Speak to friends and family
I found it validating to speak to loved ones about my experience, because it made me realise that I wasn’t alone. Understanding the health inequalities that many face can also be helpful. Women are more likely to be misdiagnosed or experience diagnosis delays, denied pain medication, kept waiting in A&E, or to have physical symptoms dismissed as anxiety.
These problems stem from underlying biases, a historical lack of research into women’s pain, and the underrepresentation of women, people of colour, and non-binary people – and others – in studies.
Come prepared
GPs only get 10 minutes per consultation, so it can help to write down what you would like to say beforehand. Outline the symptoms you’ve been experiencing, how they are affecting you, and what you are hoping to get out of the appointment. It can be useful to keep a journal of your symptoms for reference.
Researching your symptoms can help, but it’s important to stick to reputable resources like the NHS, NICE, or charity websites. When it comes to self-advocacy, knowledge is key – but there’s a lot of misinformation about health conditions online.
Bring support
Taking someone with you to an appointment can be handy, because they can advocate for you, provide moral support, and speak on your behalf if needed – as well as acting as a witness. Taking notes during your appointments can be a practical way they can assist, if you don’t think you’ll remember all of the information.
If you don’t have anyone to support you, the Patient Advice and Liaison Service (PALS) offers confidential advice, support, and information on health-related issues. You can also request a chaperone when booking your appointment.
Speak to a therapist
Speaking to a therapist can help you work through difficult emotions. Feeling dismissed can add to any existing negative beliefs we hold about ourselves, for example, that we aren’t worthy of help. “It can be triggering, as a GP is in a position of authority, and we put a lot of trust in them to be able to help us,” says Clare.
Doctors are under pressure
It’s also helpful to recognise the pressures NHS staff face. Many are undervalued, overworked, and lack resources after decades of budget cuts. However, it’s still important to look after yourself, and acknowledging the challenges medical professionals face doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t receive, or aren’t deserving of, adequate health support and treatment.
“Most of us know when something isn’t quite right, and it is important that we listen to our own intuitions,” says Clare. Whoever you are, and whatever is concerning you, know that you deserve support, and to be listened to.
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