How to advocate for your SEND child at school

More than a million school children in the UK need additional support, but not every family can navigate the school system smoothly. Whether it’s fighting for extra support, being on the waiting lists for a diagnosis, or not being able to get a place at a school suited to your child’s needs, many parents find it tough.

Here, Jenna Farmer, mum to an autistic child, chats to the experts and shares her own top tips on how to best advocate for your SEND (special educational needs and disabilities) child at school

Your child starting school can be such a big milestone in many parents’ lives, but beyond the first-day photos, some parents are more than a little anxious. That’s because, for them, navigating school goes beyond playdates and parents’ evenings – it’s making sure their child gets the help they need. And it can be so difficult to advocate for your child when you are an additional needs parent. According to DFE’s 2021 survey, 40% of parents or carers of pupils with SEND felt they couldn’t access the support needed, with smaller numbers not in school altogether.

“Teachers do an incredible job, but they are not disability specialists, and the level of training in SEN in our school’s system is unfortunately woefully inadequate, in my opinion,” says Heidi Mavir, author of Sunday Times bestseller Your Child is Not Broken: Parent Your Neurodivergent Child Without Losing Your Marbles.

With that in mind, here, we’re speaking to the experts to find out how you can best advocate for your child at school.

Switch mindset: your child is not a problem child.

Having to write, read, or listen to all the things your child finds hard can be incredibly upsetting. However, throughout the process, it’s really important to recognise all their strengths, and what makes them special – as well as reminding yourself that the process you’re going through has a different purpose. You are not trying to ‘change’ your child, but are advocating to get the support they need from the school system to have the same opportunities as any other child, and for school to be a happy learning environment.

“Knowing that you know your child best, and that they are not ‘the problem’ will be your life raft through this. Write these reminders on a Post-it note or on your phone lock screen so you see them daily as a reminder,” says Madeleine Woolgar, a neurodiversity consultant specialising in supporting autistic children who are in mainstream school.

“Within this fight, sometimes schools will imply that your child is the problem – they’re not. Your child is not the problem; it’s that they’re not being supported properly,” adds Madeleine.

Remember you’re fighting for inclusion, not special treatment.

I moved my son several times until we found a school that was able to be inclusive and supportive. At times, I’ve worried that people will think I am being too pushy, or that I’m demanding special treatment, but, thankfully, now he is at an amazing mainstream school that has taken the time to understand, I realise that all I was asking for was for my son to have the same opportunities as any other child. While I’m not suggesting everyone needs to move schools, it’s well worth remembering that you’re likely only fighting for the right support to enable your child to be able to access the same educational opportunities as others, which they 100% deserve.

“Unfortunately, our school system can be geared up for one way of learning,” explains Madeleine. “For example, if your child is neurodivergent, they need a different kind of support that requires the teachers to adapt and be flexible. Give yourself permission to be that parent – you’re not annoying, you’re being a powerful advocate for your child.”

Knowledge is power.

Nobody knows your child like you do, which means you need to gather as much information as possible for yourselves. This can help conversations and meetings with schools come from a place of information and knowledge sharing, rather than confrontation and emotion – which will allow you to get the most out of your discussions. It will also allow you to better prepare for conversations, and the process of getting support.

Thankfully, there is a lot of accessible information online, and even social media, to help parents advocate for their children. I taught myself everything from the Education, Health and Care (EHC) plan appeals process to how to navigate conversations with teachers, but don’t forget there’s emotional support out there, too.

“Arm yourself with information to know what support will help your child in school,” adds Madeleine Woolgar.

Connect with fellow parents.

While it can feel incredibly lonely at times, there are many parents fighting for the same things as you, and connecting with them can really help. I’m lucky enough to have a SEND support group for parents a few minutes away, and it’s an opportunity to chat with other local parents over a cuppa, as well as learn more about the go-to resources in my area. If you don’t have one local to you, Facebook groups can be really helpful.

“Seek out other parents who have walked the path you are treading,” adds Heidi Mavir. “Often, the best help, information, and advice will come, not from educators, but from other parents and carers. Go find your people.”

Advocating for your child at school is really tough at times, but know that you’re not alone and there are resources, people, and networks out there that can support you to make sure your child’s experience with education is a positive one.