Grace Victory joins Happiful’s podcast I am. I have to share her thoughts on therapy, Motherhood, vulnerability and the restorative energy of the sea

“I’m good, but I'm going through it. I’m not going to lie,” Happiful’s columnist Grace Victory shares, explaining that the podcast recording follows an intense day and one of her twice weekly therapy sessions.

“I’ve been in therapy for years but we’ve got to a point where there’s just so much to talk about and work through. It’s not even about being ill or catching Covid,” she continues. “It's more about my identity now that I’m a mum, I’ve gone through this massive trauma, my friendships have changed, my spirituality has changed and my beliefs and perspectives have changed.”

Listen to Grace's episode of I am. I have

“It’s a hard place to be when you’ve still got to be a mum, work and carry on. It sometimes feels like when you’re breaking you just don’t have the time to be broken. I’m fine, I’m managing, I’m coping, I’m not in crisis - but there’s a lot of stuff brewing under the surface.”

Despite experiencing mixed emotions and the need for time to process, Grace explains that she’s keen to share her reality with Happiful readers and listeners and for people to understand that with trauma therapy, unlike some other therapies, you may not always feel inspired, empowered or immediately better after sessions. It’s an ongoing process, she notes, and it can be rough.

“You sometimes leave feeling worse and like the plaster has been ripped off the wound, and that’s where I’m at,” Grace offers. “I feel like I’m really naked and vulnerable whilst still trying to be a good mum and show up and look after myself. Finding that balance can be really tough.”

Showing up authentically

Before the recording, Grace reveals that she had considered what to share with listeners. “I was thinking before this podcast, do I want to pretend? Or do I want to give the performance side of Grace, or the survivor side, or do I want to be honest about the reality of my days and I just decided to be honest.”

Looking to the future

With a holiday on the horizon, Grace has a particular positive vision in mind. “I’ve always loved water and been a water baby and I love being on the beach. There’s something about the beach being so vast and so big that it makes you feel so small, and I love it.

“When I was in hospital, I visualised walking hand in hand with my partner and son Cyprus, into the water. That was the one thing I’d think about to get me through the next hour, the next day, the next month. It kept me going,” she smiles.

“Because when I’m in water, I physically feel my energy melt away and the water just carries you, and oh my goodness… I can’t wait! The sun on my skin… I think I might walk into the sea and cry. It’s just a beautiful place to be.”

Final thought

As the podcast comes to a close, Grace reflects on the conversation. “I think today, and doing this podcast when I just feel so raw is reminding me of the power of vulnerability. As humans you’re not happy all the time, you’re not always 100% and that’s OK. You haven’t got to run and hide every time you feel exposed or you feel naked.

“I think it’s a beautiful point to make that it’s powerful not to have your sh*t together all the time.”

Hear Grace speak about spirituality, boundaries and The Familyhood on Happiful’s podcast.

Read more from Grace Victory.

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