Supporting someone with PMDD? Understand their mood patterns, listen without judgment, and offer both emotional and practical help

Some people describe PMDD (premenstrual dysphoric disorder) as bad PMS, but if you, or anyone you know, has experienced it, you’ll know it’s not just bad PMS.

PMDD is a condition that affects people who have periods and while the symptoms are similar to PMS (mood swings, fatigue, irritability, change in sleeping/eating habits), they are much more severe and can have a debilitating impact on day-to-day life. 

The mood changes and feelings of anger can get so bad that they start to affect relationships. This can add to the stress and upset the person affected may be feeling, creating a vicious cycle. 

In this video, psychotherapist Lauren Connors breaks down what PMDD is, how it affects mental health, and how therapy can help you regain balance.

If someone you care about has been diagnosed with PMDD (or suspected PMDD), you may have noticed the changes in mood and wonder what you can do to help. Being there for a loved one when they need you isn’t always an easy thing, especially when they aren’t acting like their usual selves. The following tips can help you understand what’s going on and the best way you can be there for them.

1. Learn more about PMDD

If you don’t already know much about PMDD, do some research to understand what it is and how it can affect people. It can be helpful to read experiences from people who have PMDD, to hear the language they use to describe it and to see how it can differ from person to person.

As well as reading up on what PMDD is and how it can affect people, take the time to speak to your loved one about their particular experience. Everyone is different and there are multiple factors that can impact how someone experiences PMDD (including different cultures and communities). Try asking questions like:

  • What does PMDD feel like for you throughout your cycle?
  • When is the most difficult time for you?
  • What other influences can trigger negative feelings for you?
  • What do you need from me?

2. Become aware of mood patterns

As PMDD is linked to a person’s cycle, you will likely notice mood changes at certain times (often before their period). Try to get to know your loved one’s pattern and how their mood changes throughout their cycle. 

This can help you gauge when it’s best to offer support and when it may be best to offer space. If they are open to it, offer to support them in tracking their symptoms - this can help you manage emotions together. 

3. Practice non-judgmental listening

When someone close to us is struggling, a common response is to want to ‘fix’ the problem or make the negative emotion ‘go away’. When listening to your loved one, try to resist the urge to jump to solutions or encourage them to ‘think positively’ as this can invalidate their experience.

Instead, listen without judgement. Validate their experience without minimising what they’re going through. Ask what they need from you at this moment - sometimes it may simply be a shoulder to cry on, and other times it may be that they want ideas or solutions. By listening first and asking the question, you avoid assumptions and support them in a more holistic way. 

4. Respect their boundaries

Boundary setting is key in any relationship. Take the time to think about your respective boundaries and come together to talk them through. Your loved one may set boundaries around how the two of you communicate to avoid triggering feelings or around their need for space at certain times. 

Consider what boundaries you want to set, too. Self-care is essential in relationships, so ensure you are making space to take care of yourself and have someone you can talk to.

5. Support them practically as well as emotionally

If your loved one is happy for more practical support, consider what could be helpful. It may be that you offer to attend medical appointments with them or support them in finding mental health support. You may want to offer to help with more physical tasks when they’re feeling fatigued so they can rest more. 

As with all relationships, communication is essential. Keep talking to each other, recognise how PMDD affects your loved one and find ways of supporting both them and yourself. If you are struggling with communication, it can help to speak to a professional. Some therapists offer specialist PMMD counselling for couples, helping you navigate the condition together.

However you move forward, know that you’re not alone and that support is available.