Our connection with our phones could be causing a disconnect in the bedroom, according to new research

Worries about our connection, communication, and intimacy with our partners (in and outside of the bedroom) are some of the most common worries for many couples. But are more of us feeling more emotionally distant and stressed before bedtime than we might realise? According to new research from Mattress Online, over half of UK couples (54%) say screens are cutting into their bedtime conversations, while nearly one in five (17%) feel that screens are causing a serious emotional distance. 

We all know the recommendations around cutting down (or cutting out) screentime when we’re trying to get a good night’s sleep. Experts recommend switching off our screens at least 30-60 minutes before bedtime to give ourselves a break from blue lights emitted from our electronic devices, allowing our bodies the chance to rest and get ready to sleep. But sleep isn’t the only thing our screentime is disrupting at bedtime. 

Our phones are taking priority over pillow talk, with only 21% of couples saying they now chat regularly before bed, with more than a quarter of respondents saying they used to engage in more pillow talk than they do now. While 16% blame tiredness for the reduced talk, an overwhelming 54% say that screentime is affecting their bedtime conversations. One in 10 go to bed barely saying a word to their partner, while 5% say it feels like they are co-existing with their partner by the time they switch the lights out. 

But why are we talking less before bed and spending more time on our screens scrolling solo? According to respondents, fatigue and distractions can play a significant role, with 16% saying they are too tired to talk, and a combined 51% of respondents saying they don’t talk as much as they used to or hardly at all at bedtime. 27% acknowledged that their chats have decreased while their amount of time spent on screens has grown.

The importance of fostering good communication in relationships

Having good, strong communication with our partners isn’t just a nice-to-have; it’s an essential part of maintaining a healthy relationship and promoting intimacy. Good communication can help you to feel better connected with your partner and to foster deep, long-lasting bonds. 

Creating clear routines where you can communicate with your partner and share more about your day, how you are feeling, and anything that might be worrying you can help to keep the lines of communication open. Talking together before bed can also help foster a sense of emotional intimacy, helping to form a strong, lasting bond which can help you both to feel safe, loved, and happy. 

Counsellor Graeme Orr explains more about how you can improve emotional intimacy in your relationship. "Think of it as a living thing that changes throughout your life. As you mature, both you and your partner’s needs change, so be open to that and acknowledge it in your relationship."

Good communication with your partner isn’t something that necessarily just happens – it’s something we have to work together to foster and nurture. Counsellor Pam Custers explains, “Even with a huge amount of love and the best intentions, without effective communication skills, you and your partner will fall short of understanding each other’s needs. Honestly, it is a skill, and one that many of us can fall short of. A key part of communication is listening. It’s possibly the most vital part of a thriving, happy relationship.”

So, how can we start cutting down on screentime before bed and start prioritising time with our partners? 

How to cut back on screen time before bed

If you find screen time is interrupting in the bedroom, there are a number of different things you can try to reclaim your space and turn bedtime into the chance to rest and reconnect with your partner instead.

  • Establish a new routine. Breaking bad habits can start with setting yourself up for success with new, healthier ones. Create a routine that works for you; that could mean going to bed at the same time, giving yourself a set amount of time to scroll or check messages before you reach the bedroom, or setting aside dedicated time to unwind with your partner while you talk, listen to music or a podcast, or just cuddle while winding down. 
  • Set your phone to silent. That means not only the ringer, but turning off notifications, too. How many times have you logged off of social media only to reopen the app seconds later when a new little notification pops up? Chances are, it’s too many times to count. Studies have said we check our phones within five minutes of going to sleep, checking messages anywhere from 58-144 times a day. So, try and throw up a do not disturb and give yourself a break. 
  • Go cold turkey and create a phone-free zone. Get yourself a digital alarm clock and ban phones from the bedroom. Leave your phone charging in another room so that it will be ready and waiting for you in the morning, but you won’t lose time doomscrolling in bed. 

While we all use our phones and technology in different ways, if you’re worried that you might be using your phone too much, help is available. If you find yourself losing track of time, feeling like you are spending less time with your loved ones and more time online, feel guilty about how much time you are online, or find yourself experiencing headaches or sleep difficulties from how much you are using your phone, it could be a sign of internet addiction. 

So, if your nightly routine currently involves more scrolling than snuggling, it might be time to hit pause on the tech and press play on connection. Reclaiming just a few screen-free minutes before bed could help reignite conversation, strengthen intimacy, and even improve your sleep. Even small shifts—like putting your phone on silent or creating a no-screens-before-bed pact—can help bring a little more “we time” to your bedtime.