Welcome to Anxiety on Your Mind, the series where we explore the reality of living with anxiety. In this edition, Ruth opens up about managing her mental health while caring for her dog, working, and running her business
Ruth Tullis as told to Fiona Fletcher Reid
I started the week with a shift in the gift shop where I work part-time. Although nothing out of the ordinary happened, I do find, generally, working in retail triggers my anxiety. I often mentally prepare for worst-case scenarios, like the shop being robbed, or overthink simple tasks, such as a quick trip to the toilet. Because I divide my week between working in the shop and running my online card business, my anxiety is exacerbated by switching between different tasks without rest breaks in between.
Strangely, I’ve found it more overwhelming since life has returned to ‘normal’ after the Covid-19 lockdowns. Back then, I had nothing to do other than focus solely on my business – and in some ways, that worked really well for me – but now distractions are everywhere. Whether it’s walking my cavapoo, Rosie, going to appointments, posting orders, or seeing family, life feels hectic. I’ve suspected for a while that I may have ADHD, and that this might play a role in my inability to squeeze everything in. All the overthinking leads to paralysis, and then even small tasks feel impossible which leads to more overthinking. It’s a vicious circle!
Although the anxiety is exhausting, I have accepted that it’s just part of who I am now. I’ve tried therapy in the past, but didn’t quite click with the therapist. However, recently, I saw a local therapist advertising ‘walk and talk’ sessions and I thought I’d give it a go.
So, on Tuesday, I took Rosie to the park and had my first appointment with my new therapist. One of my main stressors in life is juggling work and life admin, but doing therapy this way felt productive because it was killing two birds with one stone: walking the dog and accessing support.
It went way better than I could have hoped. She taught me some really useful tools, like naming and observing anxious thoughts instead of letting them define me. I’ve been desperate to learn some practical strategies, so I was really pleased with how that went.
During the week, I also helped my 92-year-old Nana run some errands. She can’t really hear or see, but mentally she’s very engaged. I loved getting to spend time with her, but I could feel my anxiety rising because I was responsible for keeping her safe, carrying her bags, and watching her closely to prevent a fall. The added cognitive load on top of my usual anxiety left me physically and mentally drained at the end of the day.
When I’m at home, my anxiety is less intrusive, especially when I have a long stretch of time with no visitors or outside obligations. Honestly, my ideal evening is doing some business admin on the sofa with Rosie by my side, then an hour of reading a good psychological thriller, followed by an early night.
It really boosted my wellbeing to get a full day at home on Thursday so I could focus on business tasks without interruption. It’s so rare that I get the sense of being productive and relaxed at the same time, so this was a good day. Of course, there was still some anxiety bubbling underneath, but this was mainly because my neighbour informed me there was a public fireworks display scheduled the next day, and I knew Rosie would be unsettled by this.
I’m grateful that the neighbour is also a dog owner, because we made a plan to take a long walk together to tire the dogs a little ahead of the fireworks. I also knew if Rosie was really upset, I could take her round to my neighbour, and we could sit together to wait it out. Having company helps me feel less alone in the anxiety. In the end, I played music to drown out the fireworks, and Rosie was fine which was a huge relief. It’s moments like these where I see the advantages of worrying, because it actually all worked out well due to my planning!
At the weekend, I spent time with my parents and Nana to celebrate her birthday. That was great because my family really understands my anxiety. There’s also some comfort in being around my parents, because I get to slip back into the role of being a child again. Shedding some of my adult responsibilities, even just for a few hours, definitely helps me relax.
The week ended with something that always makes me anxious: selling my cards at a local market. There’s so much planning and preparation that goes into these events, and so much uncertainty around how it will go, it’s only natural to get nervous beforehand. I’m lucky that my parents help by looking after Rosie, and sometimes coming to the markets with me, so this one went without a hitch. It wasn’t necessarily a huge financial success, but the supportive atmosphere and lovely people I met made the day worth it. I’m learning to value these positive interactions alongside financial outcomes. Whether it’s leaning on my loved ones, finding the right support, or just having an early night, I’m proud of all I’m doing to manage my anxiety.
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