Welcome to Anxiety on Your Mind, the series where we explore the reality of living with anxiety. In this edition, Natalie Bell, 44, from York, shares how she copes with busy family life…
Natalie Bell as told to Fiona Fletcher Reid
With two part-time jobs, two volunteer roles, and four children to look after, you could say I have a lot on my plate. It means that my day-to-day involves managing a lot of competing needs and schedules, so I often feel like if one little thing goes wrong, or I’m running late, everything will fall apart. Although I try my best to stay calm and organised, the reality is that I’m always squeezing more into my day than is comfortable.
This fact is more present than ever, on Monday, as I manage the logistics of getting two of my children to separate after-school activities, before heading to my volunteer role as a Beaver Scout leader. Anxiety shows up in these moments as a sense of overwhelm, and struggling to regulate my emotions, especially when I’m trying to be there for my children, as well as the kids I’m working with. I just worry that I’m going to forget something important, or let others down.
One thing that helps is finding a few minutes to clear my head before I start with the Beavers; it’s those little moments that make all the difference. Realistically, I’m not going to find time for hours of meditation or relaxation, but, for me, just having a minute to take a few deep breaths is a game-changer. If I’m at home, I try to take a moment to get outside (even if it’s to hang the washing), or stand by the door and listen to the rain – those are pockets of stillness that I cherish, because they give me the chance to dial down the volume on my anxiety, at least temporarily.
Midweek, I have an evening meeting online, which takes a whole day of planning in order to make sure it can go ahead. After a full day of working in my role as operational lead for several local churches, I drive the kids to a dentist appointment, make it back home, cook dinner, do the bedtime routine, and pray that I won’t be disturbed during the call. It’s days like these where I get physical symptoms, like a tight throat and a general sense of panic. It’s as though I have to keep moving, fast, or everything will come crashing down, and sometimes, the amount of forward thinking and mental gymnastics needed to create space for things is exhausting.
Something that helps me manage the logistics is time-blocking – mapping out time on the family calendar for specific tasks or events – as it gives me a visual picture of how my week looks. This eases the fear of thinking I’ve forgotten something, or am getting mixed up with everyone’s comings and goings.
But there are only so many hours in the day, and something I’m still learning to do is being more realistic about my capacity. It can be so easy to get into the rhythm of being busy all the time, so I have to remind myself that I’m only one person, and I don’t have to get everything done immediately. Sharing thoughts like this with family is beneficial, and I try to create a home environment where we can all open up about how we’re feeling – myself included! I’m not saying it comes easily, but I’ve got better at talking over my triggers with family, and I’ve noticed that opening up really does soothe my anxiety.
On Friday, I try to schedule some self-care time, but I end up working for longer than planned, and all I can do is grab a coffee and croissant in one of my favourite cafes. I like to sit at the window seat, where I can look outside and enjoy the sunshine. That way, it feels like a space just for me.
The weekend is where I get a little more space to decompress, and I love getting out in nature with the children. On Saturday, I feel like I’m able to prevent my anxiety from kicking in by going out and about. We have a lot of fun, counting spiders as we walk between swimming lessons and the library, and it’s exactly what we all need to set us up for a harmonious day.
The weekend ends with me celebrating my wins, as this is something I can often miss when I see all the things I haven’t been able to achieve, due to life being so busy. Getting everyone to their clubs, playing with the kids, and checking quite a few things off my to-do list fills me with a sense of calm as I see the progress I’m making, despite my busy schedule.
So yes, my plate is full – but I’m learning that it’s OK to acknowledge when things feel hard, and that, sometimes, the best thing I can do is simply pause, breathe, and remind myself that I’m doing enough.
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