Welcome to Anxiety on Your Mind, the series where we explore the reality of living with anxiety. In this edition, Kendall Platt, 40, a horticultural therapist from Reading, shares her story…
Kendall Platt as told to Fiona Fletcher Reid
I have a weekly ritual that every Friday, I sit down with my diary and plan out the following week in detail. It helps turn down the noise in my head and gives me a sense of control over everything I need to juggle, like work stuff, social events, and the children’s schedules. I find that if it’s written down, I feel calmer. But the problem is that life often gets in the way of my plans!
Last-minute changes can set my anxiety off. I struggle when things feel unpredictable, and I also find it difficult to focus on the things I actually need to get done that day because my brain becomes overwhelmed trying to hold everything at once.
So my anxiety tends to impact me most during busy periods and whenever I’m out of my normal routine. With this week being the school holidays, my usual structure has disappeared almost overnight, and it’s making me anxious just thinking about the next seven days.
However, the week starts off better than I expected. My daughter is off school, and I realise quite quickly that I am not going to get as much work done as I normally do. As frustrating as that is, today I am able to accept the reality, and it makes me feel calmer when I do.
I take my daughter and her friend to a local adventure park on Tuesday, and we spend time following a trail together before settling down to do a bit of work while they play. I notice that when I focus fully on the task I’m doing, instead of mentally jumping ahead to everything else on my list, my anxiety eases off a little.
It hasn’t always been this way, though. When my daughter was younger, I constantly tried to parent and work simultaneously. I thought I should be able to multitask my way through everything, but instead, my brain became completely overwhelmed. My anxiety was off the charts because I never fully switched off from either role, making rest feel impossible.
On Wednesday, my anxiety is high again after having to advocate for myself during a call with my caseworker regarding the Access to Work scheme. I come away feeling unheard, and it consumes far more mental energy than it should have, triggering anxious thoughts not only about the situation itself, but about all the work I’ve missed while worrying about it.
One thing I’ve become much better at over time is recognising anxiety in my body before it fully spirals, and now, I have little daily habits that help regulate my nervous system. For example, every morning, while the kids eat breakfast, I do 20 minutes of Pilates. Then, after the school run, I journal to get my thoughts out of my head so I can find focus for the day ahead.
And then, there’s my love of gardening. I usually spend 20 minutes in the garden around 10.30am, and sometimes again later in the afternoon if I need it. Gardening is the only time my mind feels truly quiet. When I’m pruning, planting, or sowing seeds, the repetitive physical actions seem to create space in my head to process big feelings. I think many of us are conditioned to push those feelings down and carry on, but when I trap everything inside, my anxiety becomes much worse. I like to say that gardening gives me a way to release those feelings into the soil.
By Thursday, my anxiety is surprisingly low, even though I take my daughter into London on the train to visit an art exhibition. Normally, busy environments can feel overstimulating, but I purposely block out the entire day away from work so that I can be fully present with her and enjoy our day out.
My anxiety creeps in again towards the end of the week because I’m worried about entertaining the kids all day at home after blowing the holiday budget in London yesterday. In the end, staying local turns out to be exactly what we need. We play nursery with the dollies, make smoothies from Play-Doh, and go to the park. Amazingly, the more involved in the games I become, the more I notice my anxiety dissolving!
By the weekend, things feel a lot more manageable. I catch up on sleep and spend time sowing seeds in the garden, which helps turn down the volume on some of the worries I’ve been having around money and business. Then, on Sunday, despite being awake at 3am, my anxiety stays low. We have a slow morning before heading outside for the day, and I can feel the difference that connection to nature makes. The sun on my skin, being outdoors, and watching the girls play help calm my mind in a way that rushing never could.
One of my biggest wins this week is recognising that slower mornings help my anxiety enormously, even when I haven’t slept properly. What a revelation! I’m also learning that being fully present in whatever I’m doing keeps me calmer than constantly trying to do three things at once.
As a busy working mum-of-two, creating space for slowness and presence every day isn’t always realistic. But I do now recognise the early signs of anxiety in my body, and I know there are things I can proactively do to support myself before everything becomes overwhelming.
Terry Joshi Brand Photography, terryjoshi.com
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