Welcome to Anxiety on Your Mind, the series where we explore the reality of living with anxiety. In this edition, Charlotte Phillips-Lynn, 31, from Bristol, shares how they navigate severe hearing loss, OCD, and generalised anxiety disorder

Charlotte Phillips-Lynn as told to Fiona Fletcher Reid

I suppose I’ve always had anxiety, but I didn’t fully understand it. When I was younger, going on holiday made me feel queasy and nervous, but the connection between this and my mental health didn’t come to the forefront until I became an adult. Like many others, lockdown had a huge impact on my mental health, and going back to the office, as well as being out in public again, has been a struggle for me.

I’m a senior operations analyst, and I also have my own business as a keynote speaker. In 2021, more of us started going into the office, which triggered anxious feelings for me. That same year, I experienced a homophobic attack on my commute to work, which only added another element of fear to being out of the house. A few days later, I had the worst panic attack I’ve ever had – it went on for hours. After that it spiralled into health anxiety, on top of the fact that I also have severe hearing loss and OCD. Things have been a lot worse than they are now though; I’ve had suicidal thoughts in the past, and that really scared me. With therapy and meds I’m doing much better, but anxiety is still an everyday presence I have to deal with.

My wife and I both do hybrid working, so on days when she is in the office, I am often home alone. Because of my hearing loss, this can be quite difficult because I worry that I can’t hear someone at the door, or won’t be able to hear the smoke alarm if it goes off. Tuesday was one of those days, and I felt unwell most of the day, experiencing dizzy spells and nausea. At lunch time, I spent some time under my weighted blanket, and then took a walk in the local park which helped a little, but I also kind of just accepted I was having an anxious day, and tried to get on with things regardless.

Routine is something that helps a lot – getting up early, having set days in the office, and going to the gym. I quite often use my lunchbreak to play pickleball (a paddle sport that combines elements of tennis, badminton, and ping-pong) with friends. It takes my mind off everyday worries, and offers a temporary escape. I might feel my heart racing afterwards, and that does have a tendency to make me feel anxious, but overall it’s a wonderful part of my routine. This week, my friend wasn’t sure if they’d be able to make it, and that ‘not knowing’ made me quite jittery, because I struggle with last-minute changes. I’ve had friends lie to me in the past, so I can be quick to worry that I’ve done something to upset other people, and I can ruminate a lot about whether I’m the one causing problems. In the end, my friend was able to make it, so our pickleball session went ahead.

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On days when I’m in the office, the commute is still a source of stress, because I worry about trains being cancelled and arriving late to work. My colleagues are great, but I do overthink about who will be in the office, how busy it will be, and whether I’ll end up being pulled in different directions and fall behind with tasks. I have to do a lot of lip-reading when I’m in the office too, and a full day of that can be mentally and physically exhausting.

On the weekend I can relax a little, especially on Saturdays, as that’s when I do the food shop. I love getting up early and taking my time in the supermarket when there’s hardly anyone else around. I’ve had panic attacks in supermarkets before, and had to abandon a trolley full of shopping, which can be really frustrating. So now, I find peace in knowing I can go at a time when things are calm. Then, I come home and spend most of the day cleaning and tidying, which I find very therapeutic. That, as well as cooking a roast dinner, playing cards, and snuggling up with my wife and our cat is where I feel most chilled out.

Another part of my routine is connecting with family. I always do this on a Sunday, which normally consists of phone calls to my mum and grandad, then a group video call to my wife’s family in New Zealand, which is a lot of fun! Overall, it’s been a week of managing my energy, allowing myself to rest when I need it, and continuing to stay positive on the anxious days.


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Find out more about Charlotte at questioningnormal.com.