Are you really finding ways to rest and recharge, or are you just distracting yourself from how you’re feeling? We explain more about the differences between the two - and how you can be more mindful with your choices

We’ve all heard of self-care. It might feel like we don’t always have time to take care of ourselves and make our physical, mental, and emotional health a priority, but according to a 2024 YouGov survey, nearly a quarter of Brits (24%) engage in self-care every day, while 44% engage in self-care at least once a week. That means over half of us aren't making self-care our priorty.

With time feeling at a premium, are we making the most out of our self-care routines? And are we actually practising self-care or self-comfort? We explain more about the differences between the two, and how you can make the most of your self-care routine.

What’s the difference between self-care and self-comfort?

Self-care and self-comfort can share some similarities, but they have key underlying differences.

Self-comfort can provide immediate, well, comfort; if you are feeling stressed, overwhelmed, or in need of some me-time, you might try and comfort yourself by taking a break to relax with your favourite TikTok videos, rewatch an episode of a comfort show, or treat yourself to your favourite snack. However, the potential issue with self-comfort is that, while it provides relief in the moment, it often fails to address the underlying cause of how you are feeling.

At its core, self-comfort is a form of avoidance that we do to distract ourselves. Once you’ve scrolled on social, watched your comfort show, or had your snack, you are right back at step one. You still may be unaware of the cause of your stress and overwhelm, or you may know the reason but be no closer to tackling how you can identify the causes of your feelings, can decrease stressors, or use helpful tools to help lessen the impact.

Over time, self-comfort can become automatic; your decision to reach for your phone for just five minutes, to have one glass of wine after a hard day of work, or to watch one more episode can become a habit, which slowly increases in frequency and/or time taken. Before you know it, five minutes somehow become an hour, an occasional glass of wine becomes two or three, an episode becomes a whole season.

Self-care is more about making conscious choices that can help support your long-term mental, emotional, and physical health. So instead of scrolling mindlessly on TikTok for comfort, you might actively choose to watch a guided meditation or breathing exercise from one of your favourite creators. Instead of the immediate gratification of grabbing your favourite snack, you might make sure to cook extra at dinnertime so that you can have meals or healthier, mood-boosting snacks prepped for the days ahead.

Understanding the difference between self-care and self-comfort can help you to make intentional choices that can help strengthen the foundations of how you look after yourself, prioritise your wellbeing, and cope with stress. It can help you to avoid developing habits that might undermine, rather than support, your overall sense of wellbeing.

The productivity trap

Productivity can be another form of avoidance – and self-comfort. As a society, we value productivity. We’re always looking for new ways to do more, to increase numbers at work, to do better than we did the previous day or month or quarter.

It’s no wonder that many of us almost take comfort in being busy; the busier we are, the more productive we must be being, right? But sometimes this, too, can be a way of avoiding how you’re really feeling. You might get an immediate boost when you cross off yet another task from your never-ending to-do list, but does that fade back int anxiety and uncertainty? Are you trying to ignore what’s really bothering you?

How do I know when I’m slipping from self-care into self-comfort?

There are a number of different things you can keep an eye out for to really start spotting if you are indulging in self-comfort, or looking after yourself with self-care.

Ask yourself: Do I feel better after I have done this activity, or does my sense of relief only last in the moment? It can be surprisingly easy for a few moments of relaxation to slip. Before you know it, instead of a five-minute break to unwind or recentre yourself, you’ve lost half an hour (or more) to doomscrolling, or have binged half a season of that new show you’ve been dying to watch on Netflix. While it’s not bad to enjoy a little time out, if you find yourself switching from relaxing to avoiding (responsibilities, thoughts, or stressful situations), that’s when it can be a sign that your current method may not be helping you as much as you might think.

The more that we avoid things rather than facing them, the more anxious we become. Research suggests that there is a strong relationship between avoidance and anxiety; the more that we experience avoidant behaviour, the more negatively it can impact our mental wellbeing.

Why do we choose self-comfort over self-care?

Self-comfort is easy, and it feels good. Instead of tackling what’s making us feel bad, we allow ourselves to switch off and indulge. Self-care, on the other hand, can be tricky.

Take looking after your physical health: Eating well, getting enough sleep, exercising regularly, even brushing your teeth are all things you need to build into your routine, that you may need to practice or even learn new skills to be able to do. They take time, and dedication to switch them from one-offs to regular parts of your self-care routine.

It’s easy to self-comfort and allow yourself to scroll on your phone in bed. It’s much harder to create a healthy, sustainable sleep routine that will help set you up for the day ahead, and keep your stress levels at bay.

Mindfully choosing self-care over self-comfort

Self-care isn’t a quick fix, but it’s a lasting one. At its core, self-care is about intentional, conscious efforts to put our healthy and wellbeing first. It’s not always comfortable or easy, and it can take time. Think of it as more of a long-term investment in your health, wellbeing, energy, and mood. You might even feel more tired or frustrated in the short term, but over time, you will start to feel a sense of accomplishment and achievement. As you gradually start to see positive changes, you can realise the lasting impact self-care can have on you.

If you’re not quite sure how to get started with self-care, try our practical guide to self-care, discover more about practical self-care techniques, or try these six unusual self-care ideas for when nothing else has clicked.