When one negative moment or event threatens to escalate in your mind into a disaster of untold proportions, turn to these tools and ideas to help regain perspective

1. Notice your triggers.

Recognising and understanding what sets shame into motion can help you to prepare, and question the thoughts as they arise – knowing it’s not always coming from a place of reason.

2 Be present and practice mindfulness.

If you try to stay in the present, it can help you to not get carried away with ‘what ifs’ and catastrophising.

3. Get curious about the shame.

What might it be trying to tell you? Not allowing it to be this scary thing you hide from can allow you to face it head-on, before it grows, enabling you to view it from a more neutral perspective.

4. Thoughts are not facts.

Try visualising the thoughts as clouds passing overhead; you don’t have to hold on to them, you can recognise they are there, but they will pass.

5. Show yourself some kindness.

Shame often manifests as self-criticism, and negative self-talk, which feeds into the spiral. Counter this by reminding yourself of positive things you’ve done, and qualities you have. Practise self-care, in whatever form suits you; that act of kindness can remind you that you’re deserving of it.

6. Create a positive affirmation.

This is a statement that you can repeat to yourself when you notice your negative self-talk is taking over. Craft it as something personal (I am or my), keep it present tense so it’s actionable, along with being concise.

7. Talk it out.

As with many feelings, finding someone you trust to voice them aloud can help to work through them – even hearing the thoughts might help you to recognise they’re not true, or an exaggeration.

8. Journal about it.

If you don’t feel comfortable approaching someone else, you could try journaling, as putting those thoughts on the page can help you make sense of them, and seeing them written down might allow you to recognise where you’re being too harsh on yourself.

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Signs you’re in a shame spiral

. Blaming yourself (even when you’re not responsible).

. Displaying self-destructive behaviour.

. Isolating yourself from others and feeling alone.

. Low self-worth, a sense of humiliation, and that you deserve to feel this way.

. Ruminating on past mistakes, problems, or times your trust has been broken.