If your birthday is more a cause for concern than celebration, you could be experiencing age anxiety. But there are steps you can take to reframe your feelings around growing older
While we all know growing older is unavoidable, it can be hard sometimes not to worry about the future. As we age, physical, mental, and emotional changes can challenge us and bring up a whole range of feelings. However, with a bit of work, we can learn to deal with these feelings, and instead embrace ageing and celebrate the positives it brings too.
Understand what age anxiety is
The first step in addressing any kind of anxiety is becoming aware of what is causing it, and where it is coming from. Generally speaking, anxiety tends to involve worrying about the future and the unknown situations that are ahead of us.
“It’s natural to think about the future, or to have apprehensions or concerns. But when it impacts us intensely or frequently, or interferes with our day-to-day life, it becomes problematic,” Nicola Baxter, a person-centred counsellor, explains. “When we’re thinking too much about the future and feeling fearful, it doesn’t allow us to be truly present in the here and now.”
Normalise the feelings
However tempting it may be, pushing away these anxious feelings is not going to help us feel better. “There are things we can do to cope with feelings of anxiety, and a good starting point is normalising these feelings,” Nicola suggests. “The very nature of anxiety can feel threatening to us, and we can get stuck in a fear and anxiety cycle, so changing the way we respond to our thoughts is important in making a change,” she clarifies.
When you have an anxious thought about the ageing process or getting older, notice that you are having them, and try to accept them for what they are.
Reframe your thoughts
Once you are aware of the anxious thoughts and able to accept them, you can work to reframe them in your mind. This is done by beginning to introduce helpful thoughts instead.
“Often our anxious thoughts start with ‘what if’ and we imagine the worst-case scenario, which further adds to our worry and anxiety,” Nicola explains.
Instead, try introducing the idea of ‘What if that didn’t happen?’ Or ‘What if it went better than we had expected?’ “Just as we can get anxious and unsettled by ‘what if’ thoughts, we can calm our nervous system by thinking calming and positive ones,” Nicola confirms. This takes time and practice, but can help us to change the way we think and respond to our thoughts.
Focus on what you can control
Having anxious thoughts about what might happen to us as we age all comes back to a fear of not having control. We all crave control in life, but getting older is something outside of this. If we find ourselves worrying about this, it can be helpful to look at what we can control.
“Ask yourself if what you’re worrying about is within your control. If it is, what action can you take? If it isn’t, think about what is within your control and take action on that, however small that might be,” Nicola explains. How we choose to view our situation is one of the main things we always have control over.
See the positives
It is not always easy to see the world from a glass-half-full perspective; it’s something that takes time, dedication, and practice – particularly when we are facing uncertainty and new challenges as we age. But making a conscious effort to do this and change the narrative can make a huge difference.
“For example, rather than thinking about what we feel we’ve lost over time, it can be more enhancing and helpful to focus on the things we’ve gained over time, and what we’re grateful for,” Nicola suggests.
Incorporating some sort of gratitude practice into your life such as making a daily list of three things you are grateful for can create noticeable change and help combat feelings of anxiety. It can also be about recognising how precious time is, and therefore having the time to ‘age’ could be seen as a gift in itself, or the things you do have to look forward to.
Embrace the new opportunities
Every age in life comes with its own set of challenges, but also opportunities. If we are open to it, ageing allows us to re-evaluate our values and passions, and to find new hobbies and interests. Also, when we are younger we can often focus on what we ‘should’ do or what others expect of us, which tends to fade over time.
“As we grow older we can ask ourselves, what do I want? This can be an empowering exercise that allows us to think about what we want for our future,” Nicola recommends. “Take some time to write a list of the things that you value most and what’s important to you. Ask yourself where your time and energy is best placed.”
By taking charge of your time, and spending it on what you value most, you may be more able to see the positive side to ageing, and feel excited about the next chapter ahead.
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