Most children will grow out of speech difficulties, but some don’t. In fact, around one in 50 adults in the UK has a stammer. So, what’s the best way you can support them?
It’s normal to occasionally trip over your words, but those with a stammer can struggle to always speak fluently. A stammer is when you repeat certain sounds or syllables, or when a word simply gets stuck, and you can’t get it out. For some people, this can have a big impact on their lives – for example, a 2004 study in the Journal of Fluency Disorders found that 70% of those with stammers feel they’re less likely to get hired or promoted at work, and 33% felt it interfered with their job performance. More recently, a 2018 study in the Journal of Speech, Language, and Hearing Research noted that stuttering was associated with reduced earnings in the US, and “discrimination may have contributed to the earnings gap associated with stuttering, particularly for females”.
It’s also worth noting that individuals with a stammer are at more risk of developing anxiety and social anxiety, as a 2023 study in the Journal of Speech, Language, and Hearing Research explored. A big part of this anxiety can be navigating conversations with others, so how can we support those around us with a stammer the next time we chat? I asked Heidi Bristow, a stammerer and founder of changesforstammerers.co.uk, for her top tips.
1. Never interrupt when someone is trying to speak
It might seem helpful, after all, if you think you know what the person is trying to say, why not help them get there faster? But interrupting someone can actually put more pressure on the situation, and take away the stammerer’s voice. “One of the most frustrating things for someone who stammers is being rushed, interrupted, or having others finish their sentences. While it might seem helpful, it really isn’t,” explains Heidi. “Just having the patience and respect to let someone finish their own sentences, and say what they want to say, is usually quicker than guessing, and far less frustrating for the person speaking.”
2. Don’t try to fill silences
We’re attuned to filling those awkward silences and pauses, often by speaking up ourselves, but sometimes, a little silence is OK! “Sometimes, a stammer involves a silent block, or a pause is needed before speaking,” says Heidi. Here, it’s key to show the person that you’re comfortable, rather than impatiently trying to fill it yourself. This can help to reduce the pressure.
3. Offer non-verbal reassurance
When we see someone struggling, it’s a natural instinct to try to offer comfort with our words. But this can actually escalate the situation – and those with a stammer likely already know the strategies you may suggest. “Offering advice like ‘take a deep breath’, or ‘relax’ may seem kind, but it doesn’t help, and often makes things worse,” says Heidi.
The good news is you can provide reassurance with your non-verbal cues instead, and these can make a big difference. “Fidgeting, looking away, or checking your watch or phone can come across as dismissive,” explains Heidi. So, how can we show support? Heidi suggests “maintaining soft eye contact, and relaxed, open body language. Maintaining eye contact shows you’re engaged and listening to what the person is saying, not how they’re saying it.”
4. Don’t become their voice
As well as not interrupting the individual, it’s important to not also suggest alternative communication methods yourself, like encouraging the person to just write it down instead. “Offering someone a pen and paper to write things down, however well-intended, can feel humiliating. Some people who stammer might choose to write things down themselves to make things easier, but that’s their choice. Every person is different,” Heidi explains.
5. Find out more about stammering
As with any condition, simply learning more about it can not only make sure you’re informed, but shows the individual that you’re interested in doing all you can to help them. Knowledge is power and, luckily, there are lots of places online to help you understand what it’s like to live with a stammer. Try the British Stammering Association’s guide for non-stammerers as a great starting point.
Along with being aware of the challenges people with a stammer face, you can learn about the numerous positive attributes, too. For example, a 2015 study (presented at the Stuttering Attitudes Research Symposium Morgantown) noted that people with stammers tend to have more empathy and compassion for others, along with resilience and creativity, to name a few of their qualities.
Supporting someone with a stammer doesn’t have to be complicated. While you can’t solve a stammer, kindness, patience, and understanding go a long way in helping them feel comfortable, validated, and supported. As Heidi puts it: ‘Treat someone who stammers the same way you’d treat anyone else you’re speaking to. That’s more supportive than you might realise.”
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