The return to school can bring anxiety and overwhelm for autistic children. Here’s how parents and carers can approach attendance difficulties with understanding and practical support.

As September approaches, thoughts may be turning to new uniforms, changing timetables, and getting back into a routine. But, for families of autistic children who find attending school difficult, the prospect of returning can bring a different set of worries.

According to an analysis of Department for Education data by Ambitious about Autism, nearly one in three (29%) autistic pupils in England were persistently absent during the 2024/25 school year, meaning they missed 10% or more of their education. More than 13,000 autistic pupils missed at least half of the school year.

According to Nana Owusu, Head of Clinical Services at Anna Freud, difficulties with attendance can be a sign that something in a young person’s experience isn’t working, rather than simply an unwillingness to go to school.

Sensory overwhelm, communication differences, bullying or difficult peer relationships, and burnout from masking – suppressing natural autistic traits in order to fit in – could all contribute.

So, what can parents and carers do to help?

1. Look for patterns

“Difficulties attending school often build up over time and can be an early indication your child may be experiencing difficulties,” Nana says.

Look out for changes regardless of whether your child makes it through the school gates. Nana suggests paying attention to headaches or stomach aches without a clear medical explanation, decreased engagement with learning, difficulties with punctuality, and increased fatigue.

Patterns can be revealing, too. For example, if your child seems particularly drained after certain lessons, days, or environments, making these connections could help identify exactly what is making school difficult.

2. Respond with curiosity

“Start conversations with curiosity, rather than blame,” Nana says.

When a child is distressed about school, their response may be driven by anxiety or overwhelm rather than defiance. Behaviour can also be a form of communication in and of itself – particularly when a child finds it difficult to express what they are experiencing verbally.

Nana recommends focusing first on helping your child feel safe and understood. You could try asking: “What would help make this feel a bit easier right now?” Once the immediate distress has eased, it may be a little easier to explore what's happening.

3. Find an ally at school

If possible, build a relationship with a trusted adult at school, whether that is a SENCo, teacher, head of year, or member of the pastoral team.

Together, you can explore adjustments that might reduce anxiety. Nana suggests these could include a quieter start to the day, flexibility around transitions, or having a consistent person your child knows they can turn to.

4. Make space for their voice

“Where possible, have conversations where your child is included,” Nana says.

Giving children a say in decisions can help them feel more in control, and communication doesn’t have to mean speaking out loud in a meeting. Nana suggests trying visual tools or written prompts, or giving a young person the opportunity to write down their thoughts.

Even relatively small choices like how they start their morning or who they check in with at school aan give them a sense of agency.

5. Think small

If full attendance isn’t currently doable, think about exploring smaller steps, such as shorter days or partial attendance.

At home, prioritise recovery. Some children may want to eat alone after a demanding day, while others may benefit from knowing exactly what their evening will look like. The important thing is to respond to your child’s individual needs and consider what helps them recover from overwhelm.

School attendance difficulties can be challenging for the whole family, but they may also be an important signal that a child needs additional understanding or support.

Parents and carers looking for peer support can explore Autism Central, an NHS England-commissioned service delivered by Anna Freud, which offers practical ideas, strategies, and support for families of autistic people.