From uncovering what really makes them tick to evaluating whether you’re a good match, take your date to the next level with these conversation starters

Sweaty palms, butterflies in your stomach, and a racing heart – first dates can be anxiety-inducing things. The date might be a moment you’ve both been building up to for a while, or it could be the first time you’re meeting in person – either way, you want to make a good impression. All this comes together for the perfect storm of jitters and second-guessing. But one thing that can make all those nervous feelings go away is easy, enjoyable, natural conversation.

Dates are all about getting to know each other – finding out about the person they are, uncovering their passions and their values, and deciding whether or not you would make the perfect pair. You want to leave them with a good impression of you, and you want to be impressed by them, too. So, when you stumble across topics that lead to a deeper connection, it’s the key to uncovering where this date could take you next.

To help you on your journey to finding true love, we’ve put together 30 first-date questions, guaranteed to help you learn more about the person in front of you.

  1. What made you decide to begin dating?

  2. What’s something important I should know about you?

  3. What do you look for in a partner?

  4. What were you like as a child?

  5. Have you achieved any dreams?

  6. What’s the best lesson you’ve ever been taught?

  7. Where do you find happiness in your life?

  8. Do you believe that opposites attract?

  9. Would you describe yourself as career-focused?

  10. What’s your relationship with your family like?

  11. What would you say your core values are?

  12. What’s on your bucket list?

  13. Have you had a pivotal moment in your life, where you changed course?

  14. What are your ‘green flags’ in a relationship?

  15. What are your ‘red flags’?

  16. Do you think you have changed much in the past five years?

  17. What do you think makes a successful partnership?

  18. Who do you admire?

  19. What would you say is your best quality?

  20. What are you passionate about?

  21. How do you handle confrontation?

  22. What’s the most interesting thing you’ve learned recently?

  23. How important are friendships in your life?

  24. What song captures your personality?

  25. If you could change one thing about your life, what would it be?

  26. What are you working on right now?

  27. Would you describe yourself as romantic?

  28. What makes you laugh?

  29. What place do you love to visit time and again?

  30. What makes you a good partner?

Once the conversation gets going, keep it flowing with these tips:

Ask follow-up questions. For example, if the question is, ‘Who do you admire?’, you can ask precisely what it is they admire about them, whether they feel influenced by them, and how they emulate this in their own life.

Engage in active listening. If you’re feeling nervous, it can sometimes be difficult to focus on what someone is saying, as your mind is already trying to grapple for the next thing to say. But try to stay present, and really listen to them speak. Feedback with non-verbal cues, such as nodding or humming, and ask clarifying questions that summarise what they’re saying, such as: ‘So you say you admire your brother because of his resilience, do you feel that attitude rubs off on you, too?’

Find their passion points. You can, of course, ask directly what they’re passionate about, but there are also more subtle ways of telling when someone is talking about something they really care about. Take a look at their body language – are they gesturing a lot, looking focused, and speaking in a louder voice? This is the perfect time to go off-script and pursue a line of conversation that’s naturally creating sparks. You may even find yourself nodding along and uncovering a new passion of your own!