Welcome to Money on Your Mind, the series where we explore the reality of money and mental health in the lives of real people. In this edition, Tinisha shares her week, from planning a wedding to facing unexpected costs, and dealing with learned habits along the way
Tinisha Osu as told to Kathryn Wheeler
Today, I booked a venue for my wedding. Carl and I got engaged a year ago in Greece, and the same day we got engaged, we started thinking about money.
Growing up, a lot of us have an idealised idea of what our weddings will look like. I can tell you, reality hit when I started looking at costs. The average spend on a wedding in the UK is about £20,700 – unbelievable! Eventually, we realised that our wedding should be about us, and celebrating our love, so we decided on inviting 20–30 close family and friends to Liverpool Town Hall. I can’t wait!
Tuesday was supposed to be a nice day, as my mum and I were going away for a few days. She raised me as a single parent, so it’s always just been me and her, and I was looking forward to spending some time together. I had my work laptop and Macbook with me, thinking I could do some work while away. But, as luck would have it, we got out of the taxi on the way there and… CRASH! The driver ran over my bag, and both laptops. All I could think about was the money. Life went in slow motion that day.
I got back home and reflected on it. I was panicked, of course, but I’m much better at handling situations like that than I used to be. My anxiety used to be so bad I would be afraid to leave the house, and if something like that had happened back then, it would have felt like the end of the world. So, although I felt like I could throw up from stress, overall, I was able to stay realistic, and I was proud of myself for doing so.
The next day, even though my work laptop was damaged, I was able to plug it into a monitor and work as normal. I work from home and really enjoy it, plus, it also helps with spending. Every time I step foot outside of the house, I spend so much money. I’m like: ‘Well I don’t come into town often, so I’ll go to a nice café.’ £20 later, and I usually regret it. It’s 100% learnt behaviour – my mum and nan are the same!
My nan had six kids who she raised by herself. She didn’t have much, but provided the best she could. She eventually managed to get herself on her feet, and then suddenly she was able to go into a shop without really thinking about what she was spending. I think it’s kind of been passed down – in my family, if we’ve got it, we normally spend it.
On Friday, the day before our engagement party, I was thinking about my alopecia. I was diagnosed when I was 17 after I first found the patches. Back then, they were tiny, like a coin, but there was a point where I lost 50% of my hair.
A few months ago, the crown of my head got quite bad and my confidence tanked, so I took £500 out of my savings and spent it on extensions. Was that the smartest move? Perhaps not, but I genuinely feel like I had to do it for my mental health. I know it’s ‘just hair’, but I take a lot of pride in my hair and looking nice, and when it falls out I stress more, which makes it worse – so I don’t regret spending the money.
The engagement party was amazing. So many people travelled from all over the country, just to be with us – and it wasn’t even the wedding! Afterwards, Carl and I spoke about how much was spent. Both our parents helped out, but it came to just over a grand for a couple of hours. Carl pointed out the other things we could have spent that money on, and I understood what he meant. At this stage in our lives, we want to do everything – but so much still feels out of reach. Similar to the extensions, I have no regrets and I’d do it again, but money is definitely always in the back of our minds.
Combined, we’ve got a decent household income – and so sometimes I think, why are we worried about money when we’re actually OK? Some of it is that we have a lot of outgoings, but I also attribute it to our backgrounds. We know what it’s like to be very working class and living paycheck to paycheck. I do wonder if that mindset will ever change. It might not, but the lesson I’ve taken from this week is to take each day as it comes, and to allow yourself happiness where it can be found.
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