A step-by-step guide to unearthing, and then living by, your core values
Whether we realise it or not, we all have personal values that are meaningful to us. These are abstract ideals that affect who we’re friends with, our career choices, and even where we live. While we’re not always conscious of them, these core values often act as our internal compass.
“Personal values are the core beliefs that guide our decisions, behaviours, and sense of purpose,” says Dr Elena Touroni, a consultant psychologist and co-founder of the Chelsea Psychology Clinic. “They shape how we interact with the world, and what we prioritise. If honesty is a key value, you’re likely to seek open communication, and struggle in environments where deceit is common.”
Although they are similar concepts, beliefs are things you perceive to be true, but values are the principles you see as being worthy and important to live by.
“Knowing your values helps you make decisions that align with who you are,” says Dr Touroni. “It allows you to set healthy boundaries. If you value respect, you might distance yourself from a friend who belittles you. Living by your values creates a sense of integrity and self-respect.”
Personal values and mental health
Living in line with your values is a powerful tool that can support your mental health, with a 2024 study, published in Personality and Individual Differences, noting the benefits of this for mental wellbeing. Plus, a 2023 study in the Journal of Contextual Behavioural Science reported lower depression and anxiety in those who actively lived according to their values.
“When you live in line with your values, life feels more meaningful, and decision-making becomes easier,” says Dr Touroni. “It reduces stress, as you’re not constantly second-guessing yourself. When your actions reflect your beliefs, you feel more confident and grounded.”
Although values that promote higher subjective wellbeing are considered healthy, as noted in the 2018 Handbook of Wellbeing, it’s important to find balance. While ambition is generally positive, an excessive focus on success can easily lead to anxiety.
How to define your personal values
Consider what’s important to you
Dr Touroni recommends reflecting on what truly matters to you. Think about a time when you felt grateful – e.g. if this was when a friend supported you through a difficulty, it could suggest that dependability is a strong value for you.
Ask yourself if there is anything you would like to focus on. “Think about what makes you feel fulfilled,” Dr Touroni says.
Try a step-by-step approach
Helen Unwin, a life, confidence and ADHD coach, recommends following her step-by-step process. First, choose the top 10 values that you appreciate in yourself and others. “Don’t take too long, just go with your gut,” she says.
Examples might include:
- Honesty: Being truthful with other people.
- Compassion: Showing empathy.
- Responsibility: Taking ownership of your actions.
- Authenticity: Being yourself as openly as possible.
- Learning: Finding new things.
- Freedom: The ability to make choices.
- Strength: Navigating obstacles.
- Adventure: Enjoying new experiences.
Describe your values
Whittle this down to your top five, and put these in order of priority. Then describe exactly what each one means to you in a sentence. If ‘wellbeing’ is important to you, you could write: ‘Prioritising mental health at work.’
Next, write an action that would be the opposite of your value, and describe it. This will help you recognise times when you may have engaged in behaviours that don’t align with your values. For example:
- Personal value: Wellbeing
- Description: Prioritising mental health at work.
- Opposite: Taking on more work that I have capacity for.
Carry out an audit
To work out if you’re living according to your values, Helen suggests carrying out an audit. Rate each of your five values out of 10 to signify how successfully you feel you’re currently living in alignment with it. Then, consider how living at a 10 for each value would change your life. For example, showing yourself more compassion might lead to a more relaxed nervous system, build your confidence on first dates, or make you happier.
Keep track of your values
Keeping a list of your values somewhere visible – like on your fridge, phone, or mirror – can remind you of what’s important to you. You could also share it with a partner or a close friend, who can provide accountability, and help you make decisions that align with your values.
Make small changes
Small changes can help you live more authentically to your values. If there are things holding you back, you might want to explore them with a therapist or coach. Keeping a journal can also help you identify where you could change your behaviour to complement your values. “Check in with yourself regularly – are you living in a way that honours these values?” asks Dr Touroni. “If not, adjust accordingly.”
Remember, your values can change in life as experiences shape you. So, taking time to check-in regularly, and rediscover your core principles, could set you on a true path to success.
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