Seventy-eight percent of dating app users say they feel emotionally, mentally, or physically exhausted by online dating.

About 10% of UK adults on the internet are using dating apps, with around 4.9 million people using dating services per month, according to a 2024 Online Nation report from Ofcom.

But the tides may be turning, with apps such as Tinder and Bumble losing anywhere between 300-600k users in the last few years. In fact, according to the report, the most popular apps (Tinder, Hinge, Bumble and Grindr) all lost UK users between May 2023 and May 2024.

Are people sick of swiping?

Seventy-eight percent of dating app users say they feel "emotionally, mentally, or physically exhausted" by them, according to a 2024 study by Forbes Health, and a 2023 YouGov survey found that 46% of Brits say their dating app experiences have been bad.

I must admit, as someone who met the love of their life on Tinder, I hold out hope for the power of dating apps. Yes, they take some of the spontaneity out of meeting new people, and yes, there is a monotony to which constant swiping can become all-consuming – but it doesn't have to be that way. In the same way that we see the benefits of using social media platforms with more self-awareness, perhaps the power of dating apps lies in intentionality.

With that in mind, here are some tips on how to address the drudgery of dating apps and maintain good mental health.

Clock the signs of dating fatigue

Addressing the burnout that comes with online dating can be tricky, because you may have come to expect the symptoms that accompany the process – such a lack of enthusiasm for new prospects, a negative bias towards your dating life, messaging out of obligation instead of genuine excitement, or the feeling of wanting to jack it all in because of the constant disappointment.

The good news is that these aren’t personal failings or proof that you’re too jaded for love, they’re just signs of burnout. With adequate rest, support, and guidance, you can reconnect with your excitement for relationships in due course.

Learn more about the specific symptoms of burnout here.

Reconnect with your ‘why’

In the same way that some people can lose hours scrolling on TikTok, it is oh-so-easy to turn swiping on dating apps into a habitual behaviour that you reach for without thinking. Like social media, dating apps are designed to keep you hooked – with constant notifications, likes, and messages, the dopamine hit that comes from potentially finding the love of your life is hard to detach from. But if you can get closer to figuring out why you’re on the apps in the first place, it can help ease the feelings of exhaustion.

Are you looking for fun? Intellectual stimulation? A serious relationship? Figuring this out can be tricky. It might involve talking to a counsellor or therapist to unpick your beliefs around what kind of relationship you think you ‘should’ be in at this stage in your life. With a trained professional, you can explore the unconscious beliefs and patterns that underpin your search for love.

For me, I found that admitting I didn’t want a serious relationship was super helpful, and took some of the pressure off. It also gave me clarity, which I was then able to communicate to others via my dating profile, meaning that the conversations I did have started off on the right track. 

For you, it could be the opposite, which might mean letting people know upfront that you’re looking for something serious. This might mean you have fewer conversations, but it could weed out surface-level interactions and make way for the real deal. 

Make time for friendships 

Part of the burnout that comes with dating apps is the sheer volume of interactions that feel entirely devoid of real connection. While in-person dates tend to be more effective (I don’t know about you, but I always know on the first date whether the spark is there or not) the back-and-forth on DMs can be broken up over days, or even weeks, without ever really getting to know someone properly.

The reality is that sometimes people are chatting to multiples on the app in the hope that this increases their chances of ‘success’. The consequence of this is that conversations might be rushed, disingenuous, and lacking in mutual effort. Is it any wonder you’re feeling fed up, if you put in all that effort only to be ghosted after weeks of chatting?

The antidote is to remind yourself that genuine connections do exist, so in between IRL dates, keep a few nights free every week to catch up with friends (feel free to vent about how abysmal the dating scene is if it helps!) and do things that reinforce your identity outside of romantic relationships. 

Delete without guilt 

If a particular app isn’t working for you, consider taking a break. Taking a month to disconnect and reflect on who you are and what you want out of life can leave you feeling reinvigorated, and ready to jump back in with a more optimistic mindset, self-confidence, and plenty to talk about.

Deleting the apps whilst you go on holiday or focus on a work project will also help with those feelings of mental exhaustion, and ensure you’re not burning the candle at both ends. Alternatively, try using apps that support slower, intentional matching such as LuxuryDating.com or OkCupid, which offer free, curated matches.

Less is more

Once you’re clear on why you’re on the apps, only engage with matches who meet your needs. That might mean tweaking your filters so that you only connect with people who are looking for a specific kind of relationship, have similar interests, or have the same desire to raise (or not raise) a family.

Don’t be afraid to unmatch or walk away early, even if you’ve invested time having conversations with them in the past. It’s not about being ‘too picky’ – it’s about knowing yourself so well that you’re able to say 'no thanks' to make room for 'hell yes'.

For me, this was about admitting that I didn’t want to travel far for a date. I kept getting matched with lovely people in Edinburgh, but living in a small town near Glasgow without the ability to drive meant that I spent a lot of time and money having first dates that were doomed to fail, because I wasn’t committed to making the distance work. Shrinking my area of interest meant I had fewer dates, but it also encouraged me to widen my age range, which introduced me to my other half, whom I’ve been with for three years now.

Try something different

If the apps are feeling stale but you're not ready to give up on dating entirely, try flipping the script. Say yes to setups from friends (yes, even the awkward ones), go solo to an event you'd normally skip, or join a class just for fun — pottery, climbing, improv, or whatever floats your boat. Not with the intention of meeting someone, but to reconnect with curiosity, community, and yourself. Shifting your energy can make space for more organic, joyful connections — romantic or otherwise.

Remember, if the process of dating is draining you, it’s OK to pause, to pivot, or to redefine what love looks like for you. There's no shame in wanting love, just as there's no shame in needing a break from the pursuit of it.