If you’re dealing with dating app fatigue, here’s how to reignite your search for love…


Putting yourself out there on the dating scene requires a substantial investment in terms of time, energy, and money. Perhaps then, it’s not surprising that 78% of users say they feel “emotionally, mentally, or physically exhausted” by them, according to a 2024 study by Forbes Health. In addition to this, a 2024 Online Nation report from Ofcom notes that the most popular apps (namely Tinder, Hinge, Bumble, and Grindr) all lost UK users between May 2023 and May 2024. 

I must admit, as someone who met the love of their life on Tinder, I hold out hope for the power of dating apps. Yes, they take some of the spontaneity out of meeting new people, and yes, there is a monotony to constant swiping which can become all-consuming – but it doesn’t have to be that way. 

With that in mind, here are some practical tips on how to address the drudgery of dating apps, and maintain good mental health while you’re swiping for a soulmate.

Start to reconnect with your ‘why’

Like social media, dating apps are designed to keep you hooked – with constant notifications, likes, and messages, the dopamine hit that comes from potentially finding the love of your life is hard to detach from. But if you can get closer to figuring out why you’re on the apps in the first place, it can help you set healthy boundaries. 

Are you looking for fun? Intellectual stimulation? A serious relationship? Figuring this out might involve talking to a counsellor or therapist to unpick your beliefs around what kind of relationship you think you ‘should’ be in at this stage in your life. With a trained professional, you can explore the unconscious beliefs and patterns that underpin your search for love.

Gaining clarity might mean admitting you don’t want a serious relationship, then making that clear in your profile. Or the opposite – that you’re looking for a life partner. Tweak your filters based on this, so that you connect with people who have similar relationship goals and interests.

Don’t be afraid to unmatch or walk away early, even if you’ve invested time having conversations with them in the past. It’s not about being ‘too picky’ – it’s about knowing yourself so well that you’re able to say ‘no thanks’ to make room for ‘hell yes’. This means less pointless, life-draining DMs, and more of what you actually want.

Make time for friendships 

Part of the burnout that comes with dating apps is the sheer volume of interactions that are devoid of real connection, with back-and-forth on DMs broken up over days, or even weeks, without ever really getting to know someone properly.

The reality is that, sometimes, we’re chatting to multiple people on the apps in the hope that this increases our chances of ‘success’. The consequence? Conversations are rushed, disingenuous, and there is a lack of mutual effort. 

The antidote is to remind yourself that genuine connections do exist, so in between IRL dates, make time to catch up with friends (vent about how abysmal the dating scene is if it helps!), and do things that reinforce your identity outside of romantic relationships. 

Acknowledge the limitations of online dating 

If dating is affecting your self-esteem, psychotherapist Dr Ali Ross notes that this has the potential to become a powerful moment of self-interrogation. “Note how you’re judging the people you’re connecting with. The way you judge them gives you a decent clue as to how you’re judging yourself,” he explains. 

“Dating apps are designed around quick judgement, fast and repeat engagement, which is, ironically, the opposite of what’s desired when trying to meet someone who meaningfully cares about you.”

Dr Ross points out that it’s near impossible to get to know someone deeply on a dating app: “So, how much of ‘you’ is being rejected? It always bites to be turned down, but it’s worth considering how much they know of you to meaningfully reject.” 

Delete without guilt 

If a particular app isn’t working for you, or is making you feel especially low or hopeless, consider taking some time away. Taking a month to disconnect and reflect on who you are, and what you really want out of life, can leave you feeling reinvigorated and ready to jump back in with a more optimistic mindset, self-confidence, and plenty to talk about.

“Swiping when distracted, bored, or procrastinating is likely going to lead to less desirable connections,” says Dr Ross, “so only engage with apps when you’re in the mood.”

Deleting the apps while you’re on holiday or focusing on a work project will also help with those feelings of mental exhaustion, and ensure you’re not burning the candle at both ends.

Try something different

If the apps are feeling stale, but you’re not ready to give up on dating entirely, try flipping the script. Say yes to setups from friends (yes, even the awkward ones), go solo to an event you’d normally skip, or join a class just for fun – pottery, climbing, improv, or whatever floats your boat. Not with the intention of meeting someone, but to reconnect with curiosity, community, and yourself. Shifting your energy can make space for more organic, joyful connections – romantic or otherwise.

“The most seemingly innocuous moments can turn out to be profound, and vice versa,” says Dr Ross. “Ultimately, giving yourself a break not to get your app usage ‘right’, and finding kindness for yourself amongst the absurdity of it, will go a surprisingly long way.”

Remember, if the process of dating is draining you, it’s OK to pause, pivot, or redefine what love looks like for you. There’s no shame in wanting love, just as there’s no shame in needing a break from the pursuit of it.