7 ways to share a bed successfully with your partner

From hogging the covers to snoring keeping you awake, sleeping in the same bed as a partner can come with its fair share of challenges. But here we’re exploring some expert-led tips to make your sleep set-up a dream

Whether it’s snoring, differing bedtimes, or contrasting temperature preferences, sharing a bed with your partner isn’t always easy. If not dealt with, the challenges of sharing the same space each night can negatively impact your relationship.

“I think of it as a drip feed; over time all of these small annoyances and frustrations can lead to very big issues,” psychotherapist Justine Sheedy explains. “Feelings of resentment may build, and this could lead to some very strained feelings that will no doubt hinder the relationship.”

However, with communication, compromise, and respect for each other’s habits, sharing a bed can be harmonious. Here are seven helpful hacks to bear in mind:

Communicate clearly

Firstly, and most crucially, you and your partner need to talk openly. As everyone’s ideal routine is likely to be different, it’s important to share your needs for optimal sleeping and completing daily tasks. Similarly, if issues occur, raise them as soon as possible to avoid resentment building.

“Try to always address concerns together to find solutions,” Justine says. “Plus, remember when we’re asleep we aren’t fully engaged and able to control movements or snoring.” So try not to take any unconscious actions personally.

Establish a routine

Having a somewhat solid sleep routine is helpful in ensuring both people know where they stand. “Establish consistent sleep routines that work for both of you,” Justine says. Communication is key, and choosing a time when you are both relaxed to discuss this is important. If your schedules differ each day, perhaps have a chat so both of you know what to expect for the coming week. Justine also suggests creating a calming bedtime routine that works for you both, and minimises disruptions. When you’re both in a good headspace for sleeping, nighttime disturbances are less likely.

Cultivate compromise

All relationships involve compromise, and there is no better example than learning to share a bed successfully. After all, no one loves being woken by someone else’s alarm, or kept up by snoring. “Be willing to compromise on matters such as bedtime routines, sleep positions, and room temperature, to ensure both partners feel comfortable and supported,” Justine suggests.

Create a space that works for both of you

On the subject of compromise, it’s crucial to agree on a bed set-up that works for both of you. Temperature is often a big debate between couples, but there are some solutions if one feels colder or warmer than the other. “Try adjusting the thermostat, using separate blankets, or wearing comfortable sleepwear,” Justine says. Allowing each other enough space to sleep comfortably is also important. “If one person tends to move around a lot, or needs more space, consider a larger bed or separate blankets,” she adds.

Address snoring

Snoring is often one of the biggest causes of sleep issues between couples. It can be a frustrating and upsetting experience for both the snorer and the one sleeping beside them. In the first instance, Justine suggests simple solutions like ear plugs or a white noise machine, but if this isn’t providing relief, it is best to seek help from a specialist who can offer solutions for the snoring itself. Much like other issues that arise from sharing a bed, talk honestly about the topic, so both partners feel listened to and heard.

Practise patience

Lack of sleep can amplify all these issues, and any other relationship frustrations, further. “If you’re both tired from persistent poor sleep, it may result in less patience and understanding,” Justine says. Trying your hardest to practise patience is therefore very important. This especially rings true if you are sharing a bed with someone new. “Adjusting to sharing a bed can take time, so be patient with each other as you navigate any challenges that arise,” Justine says.

Seek help

Lastly, if you feel that issues around sharing a bed with your partner are negatively impacting your relationship, and you aren’t able to solve them successfully as a couple, having help from an independent expert can be valuable. “Consider seeking advice from a sleep specialist or couples therapist for guidance and support,” Justine suggests.

It’s also OK if you decide to have nights where you sleep separately from your partner, if that is what works best for you both (and there’s clear communication around this). The important thing is to have these discussions, open communication, and experiment to find the best way for you both to rest easy.