From facing your fears, to being a bit more tactical with your approach, we’re rounding up tips for making fresh connections
Making new friends as an adult can be daunting at the best of times, but it’s especially true if you tend to be introverted. For introverts, socialising can often be energy-sapping, and you may need added time to rest and recuperate before you can enjoy it once again. Subsequently, introverts can sometimes take a little longer to make friends and find the process more difficult.
However, this doesn’t have to be the case. The key is to understand what you need when it comes to friendship, and approach this at a comfortable pace. Plus, it’s important to notice the people who radiate good energy rather than drain it – consciously choosing to spend time around them, rather than those who leave you running on empty. Ready to get started?
Name your fears
If you define yourself as introverted, chances are, making new friends won’t be something that comes to you naturally. When things are outside of our comfort zone, we tend to have fears around them. Becoming aware of these fears is crucial to moving past them.
“You might have some in-built beliefs holding you back from finding new friends,” life coach Helen Jane Campbell says. The next step is confronting these fears head-on. “Writing them down or articulating these can help you notice what’s getting in the way,” Helen explains. Once you have accepted these fears or beliefs, you can start to change the narrative. “Ask yourself: ‘What if the opposite was true?’ and see what comes up,” she adds.
Notice what you do have the energy for
When you have introverted tendencies, some social situations can be very draining, and you might need lots of downtime in between them. This can be tricky when you are trying to put in lots of effort to forge new friendships. However, it’s important to remember that socialising doesn’t always have to look the way you think it does.
“Decide what works for you, not someone else’s definition,” Helen suggests. “If you find parties draining or overwhelming, but you love reading, maybe joining a book group is a more comfortable way to form friendships.”
Make time for rest
Rest is an introvert’s superpower, and making sure you get enough downtime is key in ensuring you have the energy to survive and thrive when embarking on any social plans.
“Anticipate the sort of rest you might need after socialising, and plan that in,” Helen says. Schedule it in your diary and actually stick to it. Remember that rest looks different for each of us and doesn’t just mean physically resting. “It might be exercise, a solo hobby, or an early night,” Helen says. It’s really about identifying and utilising what refills your energy cup.
Do push yourself out of your comfort zone
Whether you’re an introvert or not, building new friendships always takes getting outside your comfort zone. Helen describes this as your “stretch zone”. Think about how you can push yourself without taking it too far. This can be with the connections you make, and also the activities you embark upon. “Perhaps you’ve always wanted to join a choir, but never got around to it, this could be a great chance to make friends while fulfilling a dream, too,” Helen says.
Have a think about who’s already in your ‘squad’
Often, when we feel like we want to make new friends, it’s not because we don’t have any, but because circumstances have changed meaning those friends are no longer accessible. For example, when you move to a new city or find your go-to friends have left yours. When people’s priorities change, when they embark on a new career or start a family, it’s normal to feel the gaps widen. It’s therefore a good idea to see where the gaps in your friendship circle are.
“Perhaps you have people you can go to the cinema with, but nobody who really wants to join you on a hike,” Helen says. This can then help you find friends in a more intentional way. “In this case, you could then focus your search on finding someone who also loves to hike. Whether that’s by joining a Meetup group, or looking for a local walking festival perhaps,” she adds.
Ask for what you need
When you meet new people that you gel well with, be proactive in pursuing the friendship, even if it makes you feel a little vulnerable at the time. You can’t just leave things to chance, as it’s likely the other person is probably just as nervous as you are. “For example, perhaps you attend a regular yoga class and could suggest a coffee afterwards. You might want to try something like: ‘I’m going for a coffee now, would anyone like to join me?’ and see where that takes you,” Helen says.
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