As costs increase, so too has the number of adults moving back home to live with parents. Here’s how to make the adjustment a little easier…

Whether it’s by choice or circumstance, living with your parents as an adult can pose its own unique challenges – and it’s something that’s becoming far more common. The Office for National Statistics reports that 4.9 million adults in England and Wales are currently living with their parents, with roughly one in every 4.5 families having an adult child living at home, according to the 2021 Census. Understandably, it can be tricky to navigate this new dynamic – which can include crossed boundaries and a lack of freedom. However, with the right mindset and some plans in place, there is potential to make the most of the positive elements of living back home. Here, we’re sharing some essential insights to help you find the best way to go about it.

Kindly set boundaries

When you live with your parents as an adult, the situation is very different from when you were a child – and that can be difficult to adapt to. “What might have felt normal in childhood, like a parent walking into your room without knocking, may feel invasive now,” says counsellor Abigail Holman. Setting clear, yet kind, boundaries early on is essential to prevent any confusion, tension, or future upsets. “For instance, ask for privacy in your room or dedicated quiet time, and encourage your family to share what they need, too,” Abigail adds. It’s also important to remember that boundaries work both ways, so listening to and respecting each other’s needs is key.

Acknowledge the adjustment

The transition of moving back home as an adult can create a rollercoaster of emotions. One moment, you feel like an independent adult managing your own household, and the next, you’re adapting to someone else’s rules in a space that may feel like a step backwards. “This shift can bring up feelings of frustration or loss of autonomy, so it’s important to give yourself grace,” Abigail says. “Accept that this adjustment takes time, and focus on small actions that help you feel more in control, such as setting up routines or personalising your living space,” she adds.

Maintain independence

Living with family can sometimes bring up unresolved issues from the past, making it all the more important to maintain personal space, and a sense of independence. “Designate a space that’s just for you, whether it’s a desk for work, a chair for reading, or even a corner for a hobby,” Abigail suggests. At the same time, staying connected with life outside the family home is essential to retaining a sense of self. “Keep up with friendships, explore local clubs or classes, or find solo activities like walking or journaling,” Abigail says. These connections and pursuits can help reinforce your identity as an adult, reminding you of who you are outside the family dynamic, and giving you space to process emotions when needed.

Reframe expectations

It’s natural for family members to have different ways of doing things, which can lead to frustration and, sometimes, conflict. Abigail suggests reframing your perspective: “Try to approach disagreements with curiosity, asking yourself, ‘Why might they see it this way?’ Using ‘I’ statements like, ‘I feel overwhelmed when dishes pile up,’ can reduce blame and keep the conversation collaborative.” By taking this calm and collected approach, you can focus on sharing your personal experience without finger-pointing, and encourage problem-solving instead of defensiveness.

Communicate roles and responsibilities

One of the easiest ways to avoid misunderstandings is to clarify how the household will operate. “It doesn’t need to be rigid, but having a general blueprint can help everyone feel on the same page,” Abigail says. For instance, think about whether you want to do your own grocery shopping, or cook your own meals, or whether tasks like these will be shared. Perhaps, you might agree to cook dinner twice a week, while your parents handle the rest. “These small agreements create structure, while respecting everyone’s independence,” Abigail says.

Focus on the positives

While you might face some very valid challenges living with family, it can be helpful to acknowledge the many advantages. Firstly, it may offer financial relief, whether you’re saving for a mortgage, paying off debts, or living in a part of town that might otherwise be unaffordable. Secondly, there’s also the potential for emotional support and shared moments, which can be really joyful. “Practising gratitude can enhance these positives – acknowledge the privilege of being able to live in your parents’ home, and show appreciation for their hospitality, even in small ways like saying thank you, or helping out with extra chores,” says Abigail.